hey Jamie Butler, spiritual medium, intuitive teacher, master of the full-body orgasm

They say orgasms are the closest thing to God so we hit up the spiritual insider with the highest vibes we know to see how to nail them better.

As you know by know, we're also obsessed with people who live their truth, even if it’s hard to accept or believe. Jamie Butler, whose motto is “it’s not woo woo, it’s true true” was born a natural medium, clairvoyant and clairaudient. She sees the energy fields around you, me, the furniture, the trees, basically everything that vibes and, if that’s not enough, she can trance-channel spirit. Remote viewing? Check. Finding your keys? Yep. Bending spoons with energy? Uh-huh. Asking your dead grandmother why she didn’t leave you her coveted velvet painting collection? Yes, that, too. 

And in case you’re wondering, many people have tried to debunk these skills and they can’t. She’s the real deal. With Jamie’s abilities to channel spirit, work with energy and basically know a whole lotta spiritual shit we can’t begin to tap into, we figured we should tap her for all things intimacy, orgasms and more. No, we didn’t ask her about ghost sex (saving that for interview two) but we did score a few tricks for full-body Os. Read on with an open heart and some CBD lube. 

xxx 

At Lunatic Femme, we talk about this idea of go fvck yourself in the positive. So put yourself first, know yourself deeply and intimately, your likes, dislikes, moods and triggers, ask for what you want. How important are these things from a spiritual and sexual experience?

Jamie Butler: 

How important on a sliding scale one through 10, I would say it would be 10 because it's exactly what shapes your experience. If you're not comfortable enough to speak up and say what you want, then it's highly likely you're not going to be receiving what you want. I think there's a big difference in being a passenger and in the flow or in the moment. The passenger doesn't say anything, doesn't make a request and just receives whatever is given. And when you find yourself in the flow, there's an element of power in it. And that will come from you being able to speak up, just feeling safe enough to speak up and say what you want. 

I feel like you're talking about sex but also spirituality. So you talked about the flow… do you think that's how spirituality and sexuality are linked or do you think it's something else?

Jamie Butler: 

I don't believe the two things can be separated. I don't think flow is the only way that they're connected. If you're talking about spirituality, for me that's being aware of energy and we're all made of energy and having that energy-centric focus, sexual activity or sexuality would be an expression of energy of that relationship. So can I say yes and no to that?

You can say whatever you want. You’re coming at it from a very different point of view and whether it’s for cultural or religious or other reasons, it seems like we often don't think of them linked. So the fact that they’re not only linked but a similar state of flow, that's super interesting.

Jamie Butler: 

 It needs to be stated that spirituality doesn't necessarily come with any value of worship. It's not about worship to a deity or a god. It's not about an offering, an offering, like how you tithe or offer volunteer service or hours at a church. do you know what I mean? Because spirituality isn't the worship, it's a way of being. And often when you're in worship, it's because you are giving of your energy to another source and commonly for people it's to receive praise. We can take that into strange sexual, can we say perversion, but let it mean something really positive.

Or like a preference..

Jamie Butler: 

A preference, domineering, submissive. Religion and worship are often that way but spirituality isn't. Spirituality is that lifestyle, it's being that energy. We don't need to worship or believe in that energy for it to exist, for it to praise us and allow us to feel of service and better for ourselves. 

So sexuality can be that same relationship.

Jamie Butler: 

Flat out yes. You can take that really deep. 

I loved how you talk about the state of flow, which people tend to separate into sexual energy or creative energy or "spiritual energy" but isn't it all just the same thing?

Jamie Butler: 

It is. It's how you express it.  

And if you’re expressing yourself in a healthy way, you would technically be flowing in all of those three things.

Jamie Butler: 

Easily. Yes, easily. And I bet if you just slowed down, we can find other ways of expression. but it's all the same when you're in the flow and taking that what is from outside of you and channeling it through you and processing it and pushing it out from your own angle, your own perspective, through your own characteristic filters. And if I do recall, that is exactly what lingerie is for. 

That is. It’s one of those vessels or you're the vessel and it's the coating. Which begs the question, how can we use or channel or move energy to improve our sex life? How do we get into the flow?

Jamie Butler: 

Well, it's interesting, first identify what is your sex life? Is it a solo thing? Is it a dual where you have a partner or is it polygamy? Do we have more than one partner? What are you working with? Are we working with tools? I know we think of tools as being inanimate and even still inanimate when you put batteries in it. Just because it vibrates doesn't mean it has life. But all those things and people, singular or multiple have energy frequency and vibration. And so we need to include them in that relationship during that intimacy. 

And coming from that view, if I were saying, how do we get in the flow or how do we become present in our sexual intimacy, I would look at what am I with? Who am I with? And I would include them in on it. That's that part going back to the beginning of speaking up. So if it was a tool or an instrument, a simple act of gratitude. 

Gratitude is one of those higher-frequency emotions that we can produce. When we really get into gratitude it's not like, I'm so humbled and I am so thankful for this. It is a pure acceptance of just this miraculous moment that the two of you are there together, whether that's a person or a tool. That's going to increase your frequency, that'll boost you. 

And when we have higher-frequency emotions, we tend to rid ourselves of fear. We rid ourselves of inhibition. Here's an example, I really just want to be fully giving of myself and I want to step into that, but I'm so nervous about it and I'm afraid they'll look at me like I'm silly. And so you reserve and you hold back. 

But when we have higher frequencies like in gratitude, you don't even second guess that. It doesn't even come to your head because your frequencies are so high. We experience this in laughter. When you're laughing your ass off, you don't think about what worries you when you're laughing. It can't happen. They don't vibrate in a way they can exist at the same time. That laughter will kick everything out. And when you're laughing, if you have pain in the body, it often overrides the pain in the body. It's incredible. 

It's just a quick example of what the act of gratitude toward your sexual tool, to what your lingerie can do for you when you're in that engagement. It can help you shift your frequency. In fact, what I would do if we're getting personal, I would sit back-to-back to them and I wouldn't even look at them and I would let my back, I would prefer a bare back, like so minimal clothing. So if you have your lingerie on, I would turn around and I would put my back to my partner or partners and I would wait for all of our breaths to sync. When we're sitting back-to-back the chakra system, the energy system in our body lines up and when we sync our breath, which is life force and energy, we link communication to our energy chakras, which are part of our energy system. And that can heighten the sensation of that sexual intimacy. It can link the expression of intimacy more in line with your spiritual beliefs. It'll also help you speak up, communicate better, create a safe space to then explore however you want to get your fuck game on.

However you want to look at that with no judgment. It's really what it's doing when you increase your vibrations, you leave the judgments at the door, which is I'm sure we're hoping for when we enter into the moment of intimacy. We're hoping that the person we're with is not judging us. That's what I would do.

That's amazing to think that our bodies sync up that way energetically.

Jamie Butler: 

They naturally will sync up, but you can have those really awkward moments before really connecting with someone. But if you take the time to sync and let the breaths come together at the same time, you'll find that when you start your intimacy, when you turn back around and look at your partner, there is so much of the psychological and emotional work completed that you don't need to carry that dirty inner luggage into the lovemaking, fuckmaking, what are you calling it? Sexual experience.

Well fuckmaking's nice.

Jamie Butler:

Fuckmaking. 

There can be love but it doesn't have to-

Jamie Butler:

There doesn't have to be.

So how do we make these tiny moments have the same impact as what we'd call a big sexual experience?

Jamie Butler:

Create a safe space because you can get all sorts of wild, I mean all sorts of freaky deaky, stretching the limits, your boundaries, your pain levels and your pleasure levels. But as long as you know that you're safe, you can do all of that. Because I'm hoping whoever's engaging with you has a safe word, or if you’re masturbating or using a tool — your vibrator, your dildo, your plug, your pearls, your pocket pussy — you're in control.  

How can we use that same energy to create a better orgasm or full-body orgasm?

Jamie Butler:

 Again, this goes for If you're self-pleasuring or being pleasured by someone else, the technique is the same and it’s an actual Kundalini exercise to help prolong climax. And that's when you can feel your body becoming flushed and gorged with blood rushing, rosy cheeks, all of that, your temperature increases slightly. Often your breath rate will become shallow. And this is where you breathe in nice and slow through your mouth. When you breathe in through your mouth, open lips, you have this cooling effect that happens, even if it's super hot, a hundred degrees in a room where you are. If you breathe in slowly, the air will feel cool, and it cools the temperature. 

So we're telling our body to regulate, like calm down, hold on. So as you slowly breathe in, a stimulation is still happening in your body. It’s fully trying to manage this cooling down, revving up feeling, and then you hold your breath and you hold with a soft body. It is not about tensing. It's about being extremely soft and fluid and in the moment. Of course, if you feel like you're going to pass out, please let your breath out and breathe in. This is not a passing-out exercise, please hold until you reach the climax. And then right at climax, when you feel like you, obviously, you're not going to be able to hold your breath anymore. Your body is just shaking, just can't take it by now. 

When you're holding your breath, you're building energy. When you're building energy, your heart rate is going to feel stronger. Your temperature in your body is going to increase. So the sweat might come on like you've never had before. You're holding your breath, your body at climax. And soon as you hit climax, tighten up. Pull in the tummy, pull in and up. So that energy at the base of your spine, which is your root chakra that has now been stimulated, cooled, heated. Now it has pressure on it and it's about to climax. And as it climaxes, let go of the tension in the body and let the breath out, but let it out with this immense great sigh. 

And if you're alone, I mean, that's glorious. You're just going to go for it. If you're with your partner, you might want to let your partner know beforehand, I'm going to be making this noise. It can be alarming. I will say that most partners find it extremely sexy and a turn on because here's this sigh, this relief, this grunt, right at peak and commonly it'll boost the partner that's with you to have their climax at the same time or right after. So that's a bonus add on. 

What will happen is all the energy that you've held at the base of your spine and your red root chakra is going to shoot up. And it's going to run all the way up your chakra system through the belly, past the diaphragm, into the heart, the neck. And if you have captured the rush of the climax well enough, it will shoot through the roof of your head. And it is a climax that will not resonate at the genital area. You will feel it there, but you will feel it rush into your heart. You'll feel it in your armpit. You'll feel it behind your ears and you'll feel it on the top of your head. And most of the time, when people find and discover that they can move their climax to have a full-body orgasm, you might drop to your knees, sob a little bit, cry. It's an awakening like nothing else. 

And this can happen just the same with self-pleasure and a lot of homework that I'll give to some of my students to explore the chakra system is to try self-pleasure. And when you release your breath to be body-conscious and identify, where did the climax go? Did it just reach the heart? Did it just get to the belly button? Or did it move all the way up? And then when you find what's blocking it, go and do that energy work on that chakra. Clear it out, become more connected to it. And then the day after try the self-pleasure technique again. It's good homework. 

One thing I've always loved about you is you said you are attracted to people's energy, not their surface qualities, in terms of your sexual partners. How would our experiences be different if we all did that? And how can we do that?  

Jamie Butler:

Telling you the sex is amazing when you do this. Because you end up with the whole package. When you get with somebody's energy, everything else fits into place. We can look at a book and the book is the old adage, “Don't judge a book by its cover.” And you can go, oh, that person they're sexy. I like that look, I'm going to go for that. But then as soon as you get up on that person, you don't feel right. You feel off, but you ignore it because their looks are exactly what you desire. And you're making a great sacrifice energetically because now you're shut down. And now you're working through forcing a connection and being intimate. And force does not go well with intimacy, it won't last. You can find great moments together, but if we're looking for something lasting, it’s not going to go that well. 

I wish I could blindfold the whole world. We tend to look more with our eyes than any other sense that we have. And I feel like our eyes can lie to us so easily. They'll only see what we want to see. And if we were to use our other senses, especially how do I feel? How do I feel with this person, not touched by, but how do I emotionally feel with this person? You can call that checking your gut, heartfelt instinct, empathic, clairsentience or sentience. But if we check in with how we feel with a person, then when you align with that and you can feel your whole body goes, yes, yes, yes. And you will be swept away not just spiritually, but you'll be swept away mentally, emotionally and physically. I put them in order that way for a reason. I put physically last, because we put so much emphasis on that. 

I mean, I married this gorgeous man. I stare at him still today and think, oh my God, he's so beautiful. But he is not the guy I'd pick out in a crowd. And he knows that. This is not new news. Our honeymoon night right after we got married, I rolled over and I looked at him and I said, "You know what? You're so not my type." And he goes, "Yeah?" I said, "Yeah." I wanted to marry a blonde-haired, blue-eyed surfer guy and he's not. He's tall, Latin, hairy, brown hair, brown eyes. And he laughed and he goes, "Guess what? You're definitely not my type. I'm Brazilian.” He goes, "I thought I'd marry a Brazilian woman, with rich brown hair and like a big bunda.” A nice ass. And he goes, "I married a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, big-boobed American." I was like, “Well, we're really in for it now." And we just laughed. But even though our tastes physically were something completely different than what we ended up with, it has not compromised our almost 19 years of marriage. And he is still like a boyfriend to me. And he says that I'm still a girlfriend to him. So if we could match energetically, we get so much more from it.

I feel like listening to our bodies though is pretty foreign. 

Jamie Butler:

Welcome to America. Yeah. We don't tend to listen to it here. We tend to lean toward what marketing has taught us to look at of what is a good-looking person and how we need to act and behave to be a good-looking person. And all of that can just scatter or interfere with our internal yeses and nos. So it just takes a calm approach, mindfulness, which I'm so happy that it’s a fad now, mindfulness, staying present is what that means. And then not getting swept away. Ask yourself questions as you're with someone. Am I safe? The first one. And I do that with spirits when I'm engaged in a conversation with spirit and they're new, I'll ask myself, am I safe? And I can feel my whole body go. Yeah. Cool. Okay. I'm good. And I'll continue the conversation. And if you can't identify if you're safe or not, then go ahead and call it quits. You can always have a second date. If it's meant to be, I promise you, there will always be a second occurrence. That'll help us tune in.

So much hope in your answers, Jamie.

Jamie Butler:

Oh my goodness. I think I was made that way. Maybe you were, too. 

I have a couple questions about essential oils. When it comes to essential oils, since you are such a scent genius, what does sex, lust or passion smell like?

Jamie Butler:

Oh my God. You have to paint a picture. Okay, what if it's like a summer sex? You're outside and it's four o'clock in the afternoon and nobody is around. And it's a nice breeze, that's a lemongrass, a little pink grapefruit, it's something shining. It's really happy, it's kind of warming and outdoors. Or is this like hot, fuck-me sex where you're in the basement at a friend's house. And you're in their guest bedroom’s bathroom or the bathroom off the game room. And you're like, this has to happen right now. I can't think about anything else, other than getting it on. We've got to do this. That's different. That's more like patchouli, vetiver, maybe with like the splash of amber, right? Or if you don't like amber, maybe that one little dose of vanilla that makes it warm. You got to lay it out. Or just the kind where you're in a waterbed... it's the '80s.... and you're on your third round... and you're about to have your third orgasm. 

It smells like disco to me.

Jamie Butler:

 Sexy picture. 

Yeah. I can definitely see it.

Jamie Butler:

Then that might not really have a lot of woodsy in it. I think it would definitely have a frankincense kind of a thing with maybe like a lavender. Ooh it'd be like a frankincense, pink pepper and juniper berry with like a dash of lavender. Sweaty and hot, but a little bit of spice because you're in the third round and your skin, it's just like raw. But you're not giving up. You are not giving up! You can't find your lingerie or maybe like your lingerie, one piece is on this fan and the other one is stuck on your ankle and you just, you can't be bothered by taking it off completely.

You bring up a good point. It's very personal and very emotion- and space-based, a musty game room off the guest room versus a waterbed in the '80s.

Jamie Butler:

I mean, which other ways are there to do it. Like if you were on a boat. And it had some of the salty, fresh-air smell. Now that might be a sandalwood and a rose with a vanilla and like a bergamot undertone. 

So wrapping up, what question should I be asking you? And what is the answer?

Jamie Butler:

I think that we haven't yet talked about the importance of presenting yourself when it comes to being intimate, whether that is soft and wonderful or aggressive. Presenting yourself, what you're wearing, your lingerie, your check-in moments before you're going in to either convincing your partner, your husband, your spouse, your whomever, your wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, other to sneak into the dressing room and have sex with you.

Or you've been married for 25 years and you know that this is about to happen. That check-in moment is extremely important to get your head in the game, to get your body into the game, to get your heart into the game and to monotask only on what's in front of you. 

Please don't be thinking about any other listicle that you can probably pull together in five seconds flat of what you should be doing, what you need to be doing later and what other things are encroaching into this very special, intimate moment. 

It's the same approaching spirit and energy and healing, monotask that shit. Go straight to it and let everything else fall to this wayside because you're going to wake up after sex. It's going to end. It's not going to last forever. And if there's someone out there where it lasts forever, my number is… kidding! This is not going to last forever. You're going to come back to who you are and then you can pick up all those other things, but don't let it sabotage your very incredible, special moment.