Tap into pleasure, sex and love coach Leen S.'s insatiable hunger for life and you'll get a taste for what it means to be orgasmically alive. Her energy is contagious, her laughter infectious and her aliveness ripples through everything she touches. She's a former MC who's rapped throughout Europe, speaks 6 languages fluently and commands ocean waves on a surfboard with poetic ease. When someone with this much orgasmic charge turns her focus to sex, you can only imagine the juicy results.
Just some of what Leen teaches... a self-guided 21-Day Erotic Boost, a free 3-Day Magnetic masterclass for attracting what you want in life, a sexy AF 3-hour Sensational Love Night class for couples who want to reignite passion, plus one-on-one coaching for next-level tantric sex.
Leen spent some time sharing what it means to be orgasmically alive, how to use your pvssy "as a GPS for your life" and how to use your innate energetic pvssy power to manifest what you want in life. Oh yeah, and throat orgasms are a thing. Read on...
What is orgasmic potential? And how can we make sure it continues to grow or change?
For me, orgasmic potential relates to energy and life force energy that we are all born with. And when you look at it from the Tantric and the Daoist's perspective, it's actually related to your sexual energy that informs your orgasmic potential. And while your sexual energy and your sexual aliveness is really key to being alive, to feeling vibrant, to feeling that you have the energy to do things every day, what people don't know is that the importance of our sexual energy, or caring for our orgasmic potential, is a means to having a happy life. So it's not just for the bedroom
— to feel good and to have amazing experiences — of course that also helps and changes you and offers a dimension in life that people didn't know was possible, but it's something more global.
In my own work as a sexuality coach, I work a lot with women and couples as well. It's very clear that we have throughout our lives, all of us, most of us, we have through conditioning, through just living in the patriarchal society, especially for women, there are ways that we actually diminish and block ourselves from being able to feel and to experience this orgasmic potential, this orgasmic aliveness in our day to day lives. And that is related as I said, to conditioning, it can be shame, it can be certain experiences that you've had also since being a young child. And even of course, once you start being sexual and you have certain experiences that maybe are not so positive, and that has an impact on how you experience your sexuality as an adult and your orgasmic potential. Especially for women, there's a clear connection between how orgasmic the vagina is and how much sensation you can have…. And this is because the vagina is actually a sponge, so you kind of sucks or remembers all of the important things that have happened to us and important things related to sexuality, but can also be more general things related to heartbreak, certain traumatic or stressful experiences that we've had.
"I like this comparison of the suppression of energy as a ball that you keep pushing under the water, the energy that it takes you to keep a ball under the water if you're in the pool. It takes a lot of energy. You can compare what happens in your own body and the orgasmic liberation that can come when you really go to, especially the dark side of your being." — Leen S.
And so in my work, I allow for people to fill into those blockages and to remove them, to heal them, to work with them, to go beyond them. And also from a tantric and yogi perspective — yoga's actually part of the tantric system traditionally, not a lot of people know that — there's a big focus on energy and how to actually purify your energetic body. We're not just a physical body. We have an energetic body, we have an emotional body, and these are all layers of ourselves that we don't see and notice with our senses, but we can actually develop capacities to sense them on different levels by also activating our different senses. And as we do that, the energy will be able to flow more beautifully in our bodies.
And this is also how our orgasmic potential and our orgasmic experience, whether that's in the bedroom or in life in general will change. It means we'll have more experiences of more full-body orgasms, more mind-blowing experiences, and then also in daily life, more aliveness, more happiness. And then also just physical health, mental health, all of these things are related.
What does being orgasmically alive actually look like? You mentioned health and better relationships, but in a real day-to-day way, what does it mean?
Leen It's really a term that I have, something that just came to me in the work that I've been doing as a coach…. It's on the one hand a connection to your body. So it's a fact that you are able to feel and to land in your body to not just live your life, which so many people are doing through your mind and through being stuck in your mental patterns. It also means that you have the capacity and the awareness to actually already notice that you have an ego and a mind that is actually wired in a certain way, programmed in a certain way that for most of us, at least, it's not so helpful.
We are conditioned and the way that our brains and our egos function is also to keep us small, to keep things the same, to keep us believing that we can't live the life of our dreams and so on. So there's a dimension in orgasmic aliveness which implies actually coming home in your body and creating a bit of the distinction with your mental state of being, and being able to actually play with that. And that's also what I think, spirituality, mindfulness and Buddhism, all of those beautiful traditions have taught me and teach us. It's to have a bit of distance between our mental processes and the tyranny of the ego and the mind and instead landing in the body.
And of course not only just in the body, but also with the focus on pussy, on sexuality, on your sex center, being able, and especially for women, I teach women this to really feel into their pussies, to really feel their pussies as a GPS rather than having mental processes and deciding, "Oh, what should I do?" No. You can actually discover and explore and cultivate your relationship with your pussy, with your womb. The womb in a lot of traditions is acknowledged as a center of wisdom. And of course, these are abstract ways and new ways, especially for us Western people, to look at ourselves and to look at life. So there needs to be kind of mental openness to consider that we are a mystery to ourselves and that there are dimensions to our own being that are quite mysterious and magical and esoteric.
"Real raw honesty leads to mind-blowing sex..."
— Leen S.
That's part of the orgasmic aliveness club is that you're like, "Hmm." I think there's things that I'm still to discover about life and there's things that you cannot rationally explain. For example, this connection to your pussy and to your womb and really discovering the different voices almost, and feeling tones that the different parts of your body, especially in this example of the pussy, can have. But there’s other parts of the body that can also really inform you in some way. And when you're tuned in, they will open you up to experiencing yourself and experiencing life in the world around you in a richer way, more joyful, less worried.
It's not a superficial attempt or expression of always having to be happy or having to be this kind of fake joyfulness. It means actually that you are capable of feeling your difficult emotions as well, feeling yourself, feeling your humanity, your mess, you're not suppressing it.
And that also relates to our attachment styles. Some of us are more avoidant, so we push our feelings away. We also do that in romantic relationships, and some people are more anxious and those people are able to feel their emotions, but they're overwhelmed by it. And actually those people need to kind of learn to actually suit themselves and regulate themselves. So those are two spectrums in ways of being with emotions that express or that manifest
in a full life and orgasmic aliveness, and it also kind of manifests in relationship styles. And so what I love to do as part of orgasmic aliveness is actually mixing your difficult emotions with pleasure.
And this is also really a delicious tantric way of not looking at your negative emotions as bad. There's good emotions, bad emotions, but just actually landing them in your body, feeling them as sensations and as energy in your body. And the more you practice, the more you will clearly feel all of these things in your body. And then you can actually play. There's practices that I do with my people to mix that up with pleasure. And then you can actually have these orgasmic states with your anger. Then you can have your deep sadness and you mix it with your pleasure and it really changes the way that you relate to these difficult parts of yourself, these parts that you are ashamed about. There can be so many layers in our own beings, in things that we want to not feel and hide from ourselves, from the outside world. So integrating that and opening the doors and not being afraid to do that is definitely part of orgasmic aliveness, because what it literally does is release the energy. A lot of us have these stuck emotions inside of us, all of us, related just to life. Difficult things that we've experienced. it doesn't necessarily need to be the big trauma stuff. It can be related to our childhood experiences, stress… and suppressing that or keeping it hidden takes a lot of energy for a lot of people. Once you learn how to be with that, you release that energy and it becomes available for other things like, "What do I really desire in life?"
I like this comparison of the suppression of energy as a ball that you keep pushing under the water, the energy that it takes you to keep a ball under the water if you're in the pool. It takes a lot of energy. You can compare what happens in your own body and the orgasmic liberation that can come when you really go to, especially the dark side of your being.
What are some of the lesser-known tantric techniques we can share with a partner (or ourselves)?
I think what is crucial is the goallessness piece, or releasing having a goal in your sexuality. And that is self-pleasuring. So having your own self-pleasure practice is crucial for a woman, especially if she wants to increase her libido and all of that stuff. But of course, with a partner also removing the goal, removing the pressure to have an orgasm, to go to penetration, to have like this more classic way of looking at sex
. And what it does, it actually opens up your mind to being in the moment.
And it's a practice in being connected to what you want to have moment after moment. It's a practice of connecting and feeling into what do I want? What does the other want? For some people, it's very difficult to really feel what they like and to express that, also to communicate that is not so easy, especially for women. But it opens it up and it allows for the pressure to orgasm, for example, for a woman to be released. It allows for the knowing that we need to go to penetration and we need to go to orgasming and allowing for the man to have an orgasm with ejaculation to be released. And especially the latter is very beautiful because, normally when a man ejaculates, the playtime is over.
And so when that doesn't happen, the man can keep his erection or it can come and go and it's also beautiful to actually allow in a couple, if the man himself is to be okay with that…. All of us suffer from the patriarchal system and the idea of what sex is supposed to be. But for men, it's really the performance, the focus on performance, the needing to be hard all the time. And in tantra, this first element of goallessness also implies that it's okay when the erection disappears and then it can come back and then you can really play with that. Also, from the male perspective, it can be very beautiful for a man to discover the most subtle sensations that are available and can become available when there's goallessness, there's slowness and not just focused on penetration and ejaculation.
Then, of course, what I love is sounding. Sounding is so important. I think for a woman to receive a man's sounds and moaning is crucial. It has been my experience before with my previous lovers and partners so much that for us women, it's like the first, like 90% of the session, let's call it that, the man is not really making any sounds and then towards the last minutes, when he's very close to orgasm, finally he will release control and start moaning and then you're like, "Okay, he's almost going to come now."
But the truth is that it's super pleasurable and nice and exciting to receive and to hear a man's sound from the beginning. And it's a very important way also to communicate what you like as a man as well and of course, as a woman, too. So to be tuned in on that level, to use your ears and your sounding, and to connect on that level, knowing of course that men are more visual generally and women are more auditory. That's why for women, it is so beautiful to be with a man who's more vocal. So that's from the male perspective and then what’s also beautiful for a man is to move his sexual energy. It's for all genders, all humans. You want to move your sexual energy.
"To be orgasmic is to be alive."
— Leen S.
You want to remove it away from your genitals and you want to make it more full-bodied and sounding allows you to do that. As you sound, "Ahhhhh," you're actually moving your sexual energy and the pleasurable sensations. So that's a way to release the sexual energy. So it's actually your experience of pleasure and turn on and you move it to other parts of your body. And that allows for deeper orgasmic states. So that's beautiful, especially for a man who has issues with premature ejaculation. And for the woman, it's amazing to do because it allows you to actually go out of your mind. So a classic issue for women is that they're in their minds, "I need to do this," or commenting on what is happening, or, "Am I doing something wrong?" or whatever. Women are really in their heads a lot and so sounding allows you to stay in the body and allows the thinking mind to go offline, to really be in the body and to go through this more wild and free expression of your sexuality.
Tantric gives us deeper, more powerful orgasms… how does it also change the type of orgasms we have (ie clitoral, cervical, full-body, etc.)?
Leen Yeah, absolutely. I mean, especially the breathing and the sounding, typically that would make it more full-bodied as I said. So that's really tantra and Daoism, both actually really give us so many beautiful tools. People might think it's such a mountain to climb to do this tantra stuff, but no, you can just start with being more focused on sounding and breathing more deeply, and that will already start shifting your experience. But yes, we have such incredible orgasmic potential and experiences that are possible for us. And from the female perspective, most of us know well, clitoris stimulation and the clitoris orgasms also knowing that for some women, there's 30% of women who are not that orgasmic. So that means that they can't easily have orgasms. So there still is an orgasm gap, men having way more orgasms than women. So let's change that.
So clitoral orgasms are available for most women, not all the time for all women, but of course, we have vagina, we actually have all of these different parts of our bodies that can become orgasmic too, such as, we have a G-spot, we have the cervix, which is so medicalized and not really honored as a super, super important part of a woman's body. So in terms of the uterus, from the Yogi perspective, the root chakra is also the home of kundalini energy, which is a very important energy that we all have and that we can awaken that ultimately leads to our spiritual awakening. So that's also in your sex, we can actually play with that. And that's also the more sacred sexuality that tantra offers… to really have sex in a way that it can connects you to higher states of consciousness by working with your energy.
And so our cervix, for example, for us women has this potential of really leading us into these deep, deep, deep mind-blowing orgasmic states. And so that's not known, it's not even taught, it's not known the way that cervixes are treated by gynecologists and so on is super problematic and traumatic for so many women. But let's go to the good news again.
It can become really, really super orgasmic, and it's a healing journey for most women to become orgasmic, certainly the vaginal orgasms. And of course, if you're not orgasmic yet fully, even in the clitoris, it's a journey of healing, of releasing these blockages, releasing shame, releasing pain, feeling your emotions, allowing energy and the wildness to take you there.
It's clitoral, G-spot, cervical, but also the anus, also our nipples and breasts, also our throats. So we can have orgasmic sensations also in different chakras and different energy centers. It's just incredible what is possible.
Leen If you look at the larynx and also the cervix, they have similar shapes.
So it goes back to the importance of sounding actually, and as a woman also opening your throat and your voice. And again, I make the connection, this orgasmic aliveness and the importance of working with your own sexuality as a woman. It's not just for your bedroom. It's for your entire life. It's when you allow to open your throat through sexual practices, you will actually have better boundaries in your daily life.
You will actually speak up your mind in your day to day life, in your job, you will take up more space. You will become more empowered and confident. So that's why it's so important and well, so incredible actually once a woman explores that and discovers that. And then, again, it's not just about having that orgasm. It's actually about this deep honoring of your own magic and force and power and when you go there and when you explore that, you're like, "Wow." You're just in awe and you're just so pleasantly surprised about everything that you can experience and it's beautiful.
Love the idea of wilder, freer sex… how does your class guide people in discovering what wilder, freer sex means for them?
Leen You’re talking about Sensational Love Night? It's built up in different sections, so to connect on the mental level, to connect on a communication level for a couple then to go to... And then there's two amazing practices actually that really allow people to explore themselves and their partners in a new way. So I mean, one of the things that I think allows people to connect and this what you just said, it's actually the communication piece is the fact that actually a lot of couples, even having been together 15, 20, 25 years, they actually don't have real deep conversations about their sex life. And so the beginning of the workshop is actually, I facilitate, I offer them an exercise so they can actually have this very honest and real conversation about their sex life.
"Yoni eggs are so, so, so amazing. I use them all the time with my women... It has such a long list of benefits. It helps women to increase their libido through energetic activation, through the process of consciously, with awareness, with mindfulness, with softness and self-love, connecting to your vagina in a new way, rather than having sex in a way that some women are not so connected to their pussies." — Leen S.
And it's important to talk about what you like, or you would like more of. And a lot of people feel afraid to speak because they're afraid of how their partner will respond, that they will judge them, that they will feel hurt by what they say. So I offer them a very kind of secure and safe framework where they can actually speak without being afraid to be judged and without creating these fears. That's a very important piece — vulnerability. Vulnerability is so powerful and beautiful. And also honesty, like real raw honesty, also kind of creates a gateway to sexiness also. And I don't know, it just comes through me now. I want to think about how it feels that it's an experience I have so many times and I watch my clients also have it. Real raw honesty leads to mind-blowing sex actually. It's acceptance. It's deep acceptance, right?
Of who you are, like, "Ah, I don't need to play roles anymore, I don’t need masks. I do that in my life often enough and it’s so much pressure. With this person, I can really be honest," and that then creates relaxation and openness. And that those are ingredients for amazing sex
and connection and intimacy.
How are you using yoni eggs in your practice?
Leen Yoni eggs are so, so, so amazing. I use them all the time with my women. I work mostly now with jade eggs because these are traditional crystal that is advised by the Daoist practitioners. It has such a long list of benefits. It helps women to increase their libido through energetic activation, through the process of consciously, with awareness, with mindfulness, with softness and self-love, connecting to your vagina in a new way, rather than having sex in a way that some women are not so connected to their pussies.
So there's an incredible effect on libido, a general release of any stress, any tension or a trauma that is kept in the vagina. As I said in the beginning, a vagina is a sponge. So there's a technical term from the sexual healing field, it's called de-armouring. It's the idea that you release the tension by using pressure and intention and breathing. So it can be really a beautiful way to reconnect to your vagina in a new way, in a positive way.
I use it also with my clients to heal heartbreak. There's also a thing with ex-lovers, once a woman allows someone inside and especially if a man ejaculates inside of you, it's quite an impact. It's quite a thing to receive. There's a bond that is created. And so for some women, they keep ex-lovers' energy inside of their bodies, inside of their vaginas. And it can really be amazing, the jade egg or the yoni egg can help you digest that and release that.
Also, the boundaries, just the knowing when your pussy is a yes and a no for penetration, for touch. So many women don't really know they're not connected enough and they cross their boundaries, or their boundaries are crossed, and they will close or become even more tense, which can lead to health problems.
Last but not least, vaginal orgasms. You sensitize your entire vaginal canal, so the G-spot and deeper into the cervix. And then your entire vaginal canal, and one actually can also have orgasmic experiences separated from the G-spot. It's amazing.
For people who think they already have a great, or wild, sex life, how will tantric sex improve what they have?
Leen I always say there's always deeper. There's always wilder. Traditionally, tantra invites this kind of sacred sexuality to bring a sense of awe for your own body, for your own being and also, to look at your partner in that way. There's this beautiful element of tantra, which is called transfiguration, maybe you've heard of it. It's the idea that you look and you address your partner as a god or a goddess. And that actually is the invitation to look at each other as this deep, amazing beings that the other person is. And I think that's an incredible way to deepen love and have a sexual and intimate connection.
Knowing also that it's not always hot, can be more subtle. People might have the idea like it needs to be wilder and more energetic or more energizing. And that's not always the case. Like my experience has been, and what I teach couples is to actually open up to all the subtle sensations and states of being that we can experience through our sexuality. So what slowness offers us, the subtle sensations and there's such depth in there. So those are all things that people can connect with.
What are some of your favorite toys, accessories, lingerie pieces, etc., that you recommend to clients to help them open up or explore more?
Leen Well, of course, jade egg. With my ladies I work with, I advise them to buy dildos or wands, not vibrators. So many women are addicted almost to vibrators, I really always recommend them to detox, to ditch a vibrator because it desensitizes the clitoris and the vulva, so that can really become a problem and can have a too narrow and dependent kind of relationship with the vibrator which may sound funny, but it's really a thing.
So, wands or dildos
that activate your G-spot, that actually go deeper to your cervix. For sure, that's beautiful to have. I think it's super important for a couple to have organic lube, to have things you can use massage
oils, like organic skin-friendly massage oils. Coconut oil I love because you can use it, both for your body and as your genitals actually. So that's super practical. There's no like, "We need to shift the oil now than the lube."
Oh, something else is like, and actually a colleague of mine, Rosie Rees
, developed squirting blankets
. And so that's really cool because, of course, women have the possibility to have female ejaculation and a lot of women have it and they feel ashamed. And so I have a program for women called Beyond and it's one of the modules is G-spot and ejaculation. So I teach them to ejaculate actually. And so what is important for a woman is actually to know that the fluid can go, that the waters can flow without ruining the bed, the mattress. So if you don't have a squirting blanket, then I would advise you to always have enough towels because for most women, they hold back when they feel there might be female ejaculation coming. Although some women, they don't know that is what it is and it's actually beautiful and it's something to explore and to really surrender to.
And then some women might read this and be like, "Ah, okay. Yes. I think I have been close to ejaculation and been holding myself back." So it can help in that case also to have these towels and to know, "Okay, doesn't matter what I release now, what I share now, there’s blankets."
It's really a mental element that we can let go, then you can really allow yourself to just to go for it and even push it out. And that's even advice to feel like, "Oh yeah, I can just release. I can just let go. Doesn't matter, it's all good." For myself, this is really a thing that has changed the last six years becoming a sex coach and all of that, is just, I buy a beautiful underwear. I buy lingerie
For anal play
also you can buy toys. And it depends on how you connect to the anus, I would say. I mean, how you mentally, emotionally connect to your anus and to the anus of your partner, it can be useful to use a tool. Some people might want an accessory or it might be a better invitation or an easier way for them to introduce each other to anal play. To actually have an object and to have something that looks beautiful and to use that. But for anal play
, of course, for me, at least my experience is that an object is harder than a finger and other body parts. So that's also something of course to, well, to just consider, "Okay, what speaks to me the most."
And other than that, I'm not super kinky myself, but of course, I know people who are. So if you are more kinky
, that means that you kind of like pain or so then of course, experiment with BDSM accessories.
Love your idea of exploring your entire body’s erogenous zones versus just relying on a vibrator… how can we begin exploring what makes us feel good outside of our pussy?
Leen So on the one hand, just as a side note, I would like to repeat, a lot of people or women have a certain relationship to their genital that can become way more connected, way more intimate, way more respectful, way more honoring. So again, like just saying, a lot of women don't really have this kind of deep connection or beautiful connection to their pussies. They don't really know when they’re yes for touch or they don't listen. They might know it at some level, but then they push it away because they want to please. They are afraid to be rejected and all of these things. So your relationship with your penis or pussy is super important and it's beautiful.
But then of course, there's more. You can have orgasmic sensations everywhere actually. And that's the power of the mind. And once you learn these kind of techniques of focusing your mind and actually pulling your orgasmic sensations to different parts of your body. And so I explored some of the more classic orgasmic geographical areas already, but I think for a couple and also just on your own, it’s very beautiful to explore the entire body. Like, you can just have a session. You can have 30 minutes of knowing, like I'm just going to touch it myself and stroke myself and caress myself without ever going or having to go to my vulva actually, or even having that as an intention on your own, also with your partner saying, "Ah, yeah."
And actually in Sensational Love Night, there's a practice that allows that. So your entire body, your lips, your face, your neck, your hair, of course, your breasts as a woman, our breasts are so important. There are pulse poles so our energy moves down from our hearts into our pussies, meaning that our pussies will actually open like flowers and in a way more delicious way when our breasts are first activated. And when there's a lot of ample time spent on our entire body and our breasts, then you don't even have to touch your pussy for her to be aroused and ready for penetration. Something beautiful to experiment with, I think, as a couple and on your own as a woman. And as I said before, all of your chakras can become orgasmic.
And so the chakras, there's seven of them. There's the root, there's the sexual organs themselves. And then there's a naval. There's the heart, especially the heart, I think, is such an amazing zone to work with. It makes your sexuality so much richer, so much more emotional. It's a bit more difficult for men to go there because the energy flows from their genitals up instead of women from the heart down. So for a man it's a big cliché that men are more able to fuck without falling in love. And then for women, once we give our bodies in a deep way, there's a big chance that we have a little crush on the object of desire. And it corresponds to the energy flow.
And then I also just like to have this orgasmic aliveness in your day-to-day life. And to have it as a kind of fuel for your day-to-day life, as a kind of salsa, a sauce that you pour over your life, so that you can actually experience your body and your orgasmic sensations and your pussies or your pleasure, wherever you are in different situations and relating that to the senses and becoming way more sensitive so that it actually becomes like this way of being, this state of being, rather than just something that you experience in the bedroom.
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