got sex but no romance? here's how to add some simmer back to the bang
spice up your sex life, one better bang at a time
If you had that savage, can't-wait-to-ravage-your-body vibe to your relationship when it started, but feel like sex has gotten a little more tame, routine or perfunctory, guess what, you're normal. But normal doesn't mean it has to be like that. Re-igniting that new-lover lust can happen whether your lover is you or a long-term partner. The trick is to create that lustful environment, newness, mental arousal and in-the-moment passion that you both thrive on... and that is at the heart of great sex. We have some ideas on how to spice up your sex game with a little romance, greater lust and yummier, deeper connection.
Book it, babe.
Everyone know you should make sex a priority, but blocking "mandatory" time on the calendar ensures you don't book over the booty time slot. It also gives you something luscious to look forward to, especially when you bring something new to the sex sesh (a new hip stroke, piece of lingerie, a toy, a mouth trick).
Plant “sex seeds.”
Sexologist Marla Renee Stewart coined this term to refer to harness the psychological element of sex and foreplay. Planting sex seeds — suggestive notes, images, toys, texts, touches — will get your partner intrigued and excited about what's to come that day, that night, that weekend, especially when it's in their love language or on their sex bucket list. It's all about the mental tease.
Build your arsenal of skills.
Ask any sexologist or sex guru and they'll tell you an amazing sex life isn't a destination, it's a journey, one that keeps changing, evolving and growing if you're open to it (and keep the fired stoked). That's why booking a sex workshop either solo or with a partner can not just get you in a juicy mindset but also can open up dialogue, rekindle a spark, offer fresh techniques (clit worship, dick play, dirty talk, bondage, kink...) and inspire your own yummy creativity. If you're more private, plenty of online options both on-demand and via Zoom are available from top sex experts.
Pretend you're a lonely stranger.
Role play isn't a new idea (it's been going on for centuries), but studies show it still works magic. A recent Skyn Condoms Sex Study found that top scenario loved by the Millennials polled was "strangers in the bedroom" followed by stripper and school girl, meaning you don't need to be a Hollywood filmmaker or leading actor to dial up the heat, just pretend you don't know each other and let the new exploration begin.
Check off that bucket list.
If you haven't updated your sex bucket list recently, spend 15 minutes (or more) brainstorming what you'd like you try, or brainstorm with your partner to get you both in a sexy state of mind. Could be a new-to-you techniques like breath work or edging, exploring what makes you squirt, using temperature play to find what excites you, playing with cannabis or cannabis lube.... The list doesn't have to be complex or expensive, just different form your normal sex routine and arousing to you. Start checking them off with your partner, using that list as a way to drive excitement, curiosity and play.
Get physical all damn day.
How often do you touch your body or your partner's during the day? Are you in the moment, do you feel the graze of your lips on their neck, your fingers against their arm, your toes stroke your own legs? Even just truly hugging them, kissing them on the lips before bed or leaving/entering the house. Those stolen moments of affection create a deeper connection, most sexual moments later in the day and greater relationship happiness, according to Psychology Today.
Rethink date nights.
Even the lustiest couples can fall into a dating habits or sex routines that feel boring to them, no matter how hot they started. If you're always a dinner out kinda couple, how can make it different? Do you start dinner with a lap dance that finishes when you're done? Do you wear your sexiest new lingerie then give them a peek across the table? Do you text them dirty AF instructions on what you want them to do to you after dinner? Do you stop for a stroll through a sex shop on your way to cocktails? Do you say fuck dinner, let's fuck on some canvas and make a masterpiece?
Bring delicious thrills in other areas of your life.
Sometimes a little adrenaline rush can bring that excitement into the bedroom. Is there something a little scary or exciting you've been wanting to try, either sexual or non-sexual? A rock-climbing workout? An improv class? A sex club? The kind that, to paraphrase Cardi B, gives you butterflies in your stomach and vagina. The idea is to get that flow state turned on in your body so you feel that fire before you hit the sheets (the couch, the counter, the backseat..).
Live a luxuriously naughty lifestyle.
This doesn't mean you have to throw wild sex parties every night (but you can if you want...), but look at your life, routine and habits to see how you can spice up your everyday moments to keep that sexy flow state flowin'. Is your bedroom DTF? Do you eat by candlelight? Do your pillows or blankets excite your skin? Do you wear what makes you feel deliciously, ridiculously hot? If you're not aroused by how you live, then it's that much harder to be instantly aroused when it's "time" to be sexy.
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