the sex bucket list for women who refuse boring sex lives

written by: claire coghlan + lunatic femme

time to read 7 min

update your sex bucket list with juicy tips, hot to-do's + expert advice

Somewhere out there, a woman is crossing "attend a sex party" off her To-Do list before lunch. Another is trying anal for the first time. Still another is booking a by-the-hour-motel with mirrored ceilings and a sex toy vending machine.

If any of that lights you up, makes you lean in or turns you completely off, then yes, you're in the right place. Whether you're building your own sex bucket list or spicing up the one you've got, consider this your menu of good ideas, bad ideas and "I could be into that"'s.

Done right, your sex bucket list should drive curiosity, fulfill a few fantasies and range from "huh..." to "holy shit." Let's add some adventure (and great stories) to your world.

xxx

become your own sex idol.

Stop waiting for an invitation to become the hottest version of yourself. She's in there, become the mood. Slide into the catsuit. Slip on the opera gloves. Hook on the choker. Don't worry about what to do next, she's got plans.

idolize me

learn erotic massage tips that'll ruin their life.

If you've ever gotten a massage that you're still thinking about three months later, you know your mission: Explore the art of drawing the fuck out of every stroke, tease, edge and breath. Watch a workshop and steal some moves from professionals. Practice on yourself. Practice on your lover. Expect repeat bookings.

experiment with a flight of lubes

You've done wine tastings, whiskey tasting, maybe even a cheese tasting. Now try a tasting menu made for foreplay. Line up a fleet of lubes with different textures, temperatures and ingredients then take them for a test drive. What's your preferred level of slip versus grip? Fragrance or none? CBD or CBD-free? Consider this your first steps toward becoming a lube sommelier.

become your personal call guy (or gal).

What if you treated self-seduction like a job? Create a list of outrageous demands and take your role seriously. Or, if you've got a lover, hire them. Hand over your list of requests and ensure they adhere to their agreed-upon scope of work. Schedule their performance review in advance.

expand the size of your sexual buffet.

It's hard to order off a menu with only three items. If your sex bucket list is suspiciously short or has line items like "repeat day 1", then it's time for some inspiration. Follow sex coaches, listen to sexy podcasts, read erotica, buy the lingerie that's been sitting in your browser tab for six months. You're not looking for a firehose of activities. Just a few more things that make you think, "Huh, I could be down for that."

book new-positions-only weekends.

If you spend more time planning a dinner reservation than you do planning sex, we need to talk. While you might not have six hours on a Tuesday night to burn through the kama sutra, you can carve out an hour or two on weekends to test-drive new positions. Save screenshots, build a vision board, create a short-list of what you'd like to try. Flipping through your wish list with a lover is foreplay in and of itself.

design a sexy scavenger hunt.

Seed your space with sexy clues for your lover to discover throughout the day. Notes on a mirror. Naughty texts. A hotel key hidden in plain sight. Strategically stashed panties. Make anticipation the goal. And the destination? Just a bonus.

build your own sex room.

You'd create a home gym to transform your body. Now it's time to give pleasure its own square footage. Convert a spare room, forgotten corner or under-used closet into an erotic playground and stock it with pillows, restraints, toys and whatever else sparks your curiosity. It less about how elaborate the set-up and more about what fantasies it ignites.

play with me

bare it all in public.

There’s something oddly liberating about realizing nobody cares that your body is naked nearly as much as you. Test the theory at a nude beach, bathhouse, hot spring or clothing-optional resort and you'll see that it's mostly business as usual. Once naked becomes the new normal, you discover the thrill is not necessarily being seen, it's forgetting to give a fuck. P.S. A legally nude place. Not Costco. Context matters.

spend a weekend in bed.

Clear your calendar. Silence your notifications. Refill your water bottles. Your goal isn't endurance (although that's a good side effect), it's discovery. New erogenous zones, sex positions, fantasies, ways to use your mouth and zero reason to look at a clock.

have hands-only sex.

Take everything off the table — no mouths, no sex toys, no porn, no party tricks — and make your hands do the heavy lifting. See how creative you can get when all the other distractions disappear. We're willing to bet your hands have been highly under-leveraged.

our butterfly waist cincher doubles as a blindfold or collar. what's your pleasure?

make sex a gourmet experience.

Build an erotic tasting menu of sensual bites, flavors, textures and indulgences. Offer them a la carte. Serve them on the body. Feed each other. Steal bites. Sip champagne or cocktails from ridiculously stunning glassware. And if you're feeling uncivilized, throw down a tarp and get messy.

attend a sex party.

Attending is the entire bucket list item. Everything else is optional. Grab a drink, be a voyeur, chat someone up. Consider it like a reconnaissance mission: The point isn't to dive headfirst into a sex pile. It's to see what else turns you on (or off) and what else you might like to dip your toes (or hands or lips) in at some point. Or not.

try an aquatic adventure.

Work your way through bodies of water starting with your bathtub. Think hot tub. Pool. Lake. Ocean. If nothing else, you'll gain surprisingly strong opinions about your favorite place to get wet.

recreate your favorite sex scene.

Pick a scene that lives rent-free in your head and see if it lives up to the hype. Raid your closet, improvise the set design, commit to your character. Best case, the fantasy really does live up to the story. Worst case, you get a pretty unforgettable blooper reel.

our sweet tooth panty unzips back to front (or front to back) for worshiping on demand. get yours...

worship that booty

If anal play isn't part of your repertoire, perhaps it's time to see what you've been missing. Start slow, follow your curiosity and let pleasure lead. Already a veteran? Try wearing a butt plug while doing the ordinary and watch how the power dynamics shift when you're, say, negotiating a deal while plugged.

kink up your toy closet.

Every hobby begins with a starter kit, then kicks it up a few levels as your experience and preferences grow. Yours might start with blindfolds, masks, wands then build up to strap-ons, swings or floggers. Grow a collection that sparks ideas, not just orgasms.

Need inspiration? A single session with a Domme, a sex class or online workshop can introduce an entire new world of "I never thought of that."

try a 30-day sex challenge.

There's a lot to be said for stoking your erotic every day for an entire month. Think of it like a fitness challenge, but considerably more spicy and way more likely to keep your attention. Focus your challenge around curiosity, creativity and consistency. Thirty days of play later, you'll have a better sex life guaranteed.

learn the art of the lap dance.

A lap dance is choreography for an audience of one. Pick a playlist that moves you on a cellular level and follow how your body moves when you're not performing for someone else or in front of a mirror. Let your body respond to the beats, the lyrics and the tones, and use your lingerie as playground for your hands. There's no playbook. Just you teasing, tempting and playing with you.

book a pay-by-the-hour motel.

The more it deviates from your norm, the better. Bring on the toys. Cue the role play. Work the angles. How differently will you show up in a hotel room full of mirrors and a vibrating bed? Only way you'll know is if you try it.

get pro advice.

All the elite business coaches and pro athletes have a coach. So it makes sense you'd only go the best for better sex. Booking just one session can be life-changing. And even if your sex life is already going well, you don’t know what you don’t know, and an expert can give you suggestions on how to grow your sex bucket list.

attend a sex workshop.

You know that [insert sex thing here] you've been Googling at 3:17 a.m.? There's probably a workshop for it. From tantra workshops to oral sex classes, you're just a few clicks away from checking that random hip move off your bucket list.

level up your podcast library.

For one week, swap out business, politics and productivity podcasts for erotica instead. Seduce your brain with something far more intoxicating... and far more worthy of keeping you up at night.

explore touch-free orgasm.

Whether you've IDed her yet or not, there's a woman in your world who's having glorious orgasms with just her mind. She's skipping the penises, hands, toys and strap-ons, just going straight for the big O using techniques like breath work, visualization, sexual meditation and hypnosis. Hit up YouTube for playlists, videos and rabbit holes or hunt down a workshop. Better yet, find the unicorn in your friend group, buy her a drink and fast-track the technique.

be your lover’s plaything for a day.

Spend a whole day at the mercy of their finger on the remote control of your favorite sex toy. Bonus points if you record audio on your most climactic moments.

Got a steamly little something on your sex bucket list that you'd like to share? Do tell.