everything you ever wanted to know about sex parties part 1
by Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator, sex/love coach, feminist writer
When I tell people about the 30 sex parties I’ve attended (yes, I counted), they’re often full of questions: What’s a sex party? Is that a giant orgy? Is everyone naked? The truth is, sex parties aren’t as out-there as they may seem and can be fulfilling experiences for a wide range of people. Here are some things people frequently ask me about sex parties, and my answers.
What is a sex party?
A sex party is what it sounds like: a party where people have sex. However, not everyone has sex at sex parties. Walk into a sex party at any given time, and you’ll also find people chatting, eating, and drinking. Some sex parties take place in people’s homes, while some take place at sex clubs (establishments dedicated to throwing sex parties) or other venues rented out for that purpose. In addition, some sex parties include other activities like dancing, swimming, tantra and connection workshops, and sex shows, where people dance sensually or have sex in front of a crowd.
So, is it basically a giant orgie?
Not exactly. Group sex often does take place at sex parties, but it’s not like everyone’s in one giant puddle and new arrivals just jump into the crowd. Often, there are separate rooms or sections of the venue for sexual activity, and people talk and get to know each other before entering those areas. For obvious reasons, most clubs frown upon people jumping in and joining a group without asking. It’s expected that people will discuss what they want to do before getting sexual.
How do you get invited to a sex party?
You can google sex clubs or sex parties in your city, and you may be able to purchase a ticket online right off the bat. Some events have stricter policies, though, and may ask you to fill out an application demonstrating your sexual open-mindedness and understanding of consent. You may need to be accepted as a member of a club before being invited to one of its parties.
Do you go to these events all by yourself?
I actually do, but many people go to sex parties with their partners or friends. Some couples go seeking a third for a threesome, and some people go alone but connect with ongoing play partners there. Different parties have different cultures: Some are more geared toward singles, and some are more geared toward couples. Some are specifically for couples and single women.
How do you even approach people at sex parties?
That can definitely be awkward at an event that’s so explicitly sexual. A few ice-breakers I’ve learned are “what do you typically do at these events?”, “how do things work between you two?” (if I’m talking to a couple), and simply, “can I kiss you?”
I’ve also learned to go in without any expectations other than to meet interesting people and learn something new. You’re not going to find someone you have chemistry with at every single party, but just being in that environment is an adventure in and of itself.
What else do you want to know about sex parties? Drop your Qs👇💋.
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