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new year, better sex: try this round-up of sex tips worthy of your bucket list
try some of our juiciest, yummiest sex tips from our expert interviews
The new year is a sexy excuse for rethinking your sex life, where are you at and where do you want to take it? We rounded up our yummiest inspiration from our expert interviews last year and delivered them before. Use them as inspiration to ignite your curiosity, creativity and passion in new, more delicious ways.
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1.
try on a new role with your partner
Stepping into different roles and scenarios will help figure out what erotic personalities you have, says domme-sexologist Nadège. “What hasn't been given a chance to play yet? Being an adult, I feel like sometimes it's giving ourselves permission to be your horny 15-year-old self again. What would that person want to do? You can do that now. You can do whatever you want!”
2.
have that sexy talk with your partner
Sexual health plays a huge role in mental and physical health, which is why it's important to have a healthy sex life, says Missy Bowie, founder of intimate wellness brand Explor and co-host of the Don't Call Us Pretty empowerment podcast. The key to healthy sex, she says, is communication. “Some couples go years without ever telling their partner they want to try something new,” says Bowie. “Don’t be afraid to introduce a new toy or a little role play to keep the fire lit, you may find out that you both enjoy it!”
3.
get clear on your boundaries
Nadège recommends hunting down a “yes, no, maybe list" online. Once you have a list like that, it gives you a foundation, she says. “It's almost like you and your partner get to sit down and fill out a sexy questionnaire and you get to download this list and be like, ‘Okay, anal beads. Yes, no, maybe. Role-play. Yes, no, maybe. Spooning naked. Yes, no, maybe.’”
4.
watch real-world sex
When Ariel Martinez first started working at MakeLoveNotPorn, she had no idea how life-changing it would be. “We get messages all the time from people who have really relearned sex or relearned relationships to their bodies by watching others experience different relationships to their body," she says of the world's first user-generated, human-curated social sex platform. “When they see videos on MakeLoveNotPorn, they're like, ‘Oh my God, I didn't know sex could be giggly or I didn't know it could be messy or I didn't know it could be awkward.’ Just seeing how people actually have sex when there's not choreography involved…it's really liberating.”
5.
schedule a boudoir shoot
The boudoir market has exploded, says boudoir photographer Nomi, thanks to women scheduling sessions as a gift to themselves — versus their significant other. It’s a way of reclaiming your own power in your body, says Nomi, who explains that the right professional will guide you through the experience as an ally, coach and friend. “The growth in life happens in the possibility realm… a boudoir shoot is all about the possibilities,” says Nomi, who believes each woman has her own unique spark of divine beauty within her just waiting to be unveiled.
6.
explore your kinky side
It’s much more accessible than you might think. Nadège recommends going to events and classes to educate yourself and ease in. “FetLife.com is sort of like the Facebook of kinksters,” she says. “It can be a little intimidating because there's some people who are really interested in having a sexual time. But it also is a place where people share community events, and you can find kinky people in your area because it’s a global website. See if there are any virtual or in-person, what is called munches, so lunch with an M, in your area. Those are non-sexual kinky meetups where people go to a cafe, a bunch of kinksters, and it's sort of like kinky networking.”
7.
swap out your vibrator for a crystal wand
Want to slow down your self-pleasure practice? Feel more connected? Sex educator, intimacy coach and sex toy entrepreneur Rosie Rees recommends trying a pleasure wand. After she discovered the jade egg and crystal sexual healing, she started getting these toys designed. “I started with the rose quartz,” says Rees. “It's like you're going within literally physically. Because it is a crystal, it's amplifies, you can program it with an intention of what you want to let go, or what you want to bring in,” she says. “The black obsidian curved wand is just beautiful. Because black obsidian is a volcanic stone, it helps to release negative energy or toxic energy. It's protective, it's grounding and it's clearing.” While Rees doesn’t recommend you ditch your vibrators altogether, she says she definitely feels a difference when she uses something from Mother Earth versus something that's man-made.
8.
enroll in squirt school
Rees created Squirt School to teach women the a,b, c’s of squirting. “Sometimes it's a technique thing and other times it's a healing,” she says of her therapeutic approach to connecting with your yoni. “If you haven't connected with her, if you feel disconnected from the belly button down and you haven't really given your pussy any love and attention, she's not just going to squirt,” says Rees. “She has a mind of her own and she has a voice of her own as well.” If you’d rather explore stimulating the G-spot on your own, Rees recommends the Sacred Squirter or the Cervix Serpent for those with a longer vagina.
9. invest in a squirt blanket
Rees says one of the reasons women have trouble squirting is because we have it hard-wired in our brains from a young age to not wet the bed. Which, understandably, shuts us down later in life as adults when we unconsciously shut off the impulse because we don't want to make a mess. That’s why she created the Squirt Blanket, which is 100% waterproof, holds up to a liter of liquid and has a luxurious, cozy, velvety texture. “A lot of women say, ‘I’ve never squirted before.’ And they come back and go, ‘I squirted for the first time.’ And I know for sure it's because of the mental feeling that you can let the floodgates open.”
10. make a sex bucket list
Sexologist, educator, author and serial-founder Marla Renee Stewart recommends that everyone have an erotic activity bucket list. “Try all the things, see what makes you excited, see what doesn't, and then go from there," says Stewart, who offers a ready-made erotic activity list that that includes things like voyeurism and exhibitionism, whether that's taking out a video camera, or going to a sex club, or making a romantic dinner, or eating off your partner. “Try all the things,” says Stewart. “See what makes you excited, see what doesn't, and then go from there. And then whatever makes you not excited, come back to it in 10 years, because maybe you'll be excited about it then. As we age, our bodies change, so things that we didn't like before, we might like now.”
11.
stretch foreplay endlessly
Foreplay is the psychological piece that a lot of people are missing when it comes to trying to have an abundant sexual experience, says Stewart. “It starts outside of the bedroom. How are you connecting to your lover? Are you giving them affection? How are you alluding to sex every day? One of the things that you can do is start to plant what I call sex seeds,” she says. “Sex seeds are basically these things where, my lover wants to experiment with blindfolds. Well, what I'm going to do is, on their way to work, I'm going to put a blindfold in their seat. So they have to look at it or they see it when they're driving to work. That planting is sexy. And with that, you're tapping into that psychological energy, you are connecting with them, you got them going. And that helps extend the foreplay because here's the thing, variety and unpredictability are the keys to sexual success.”
12.
invest in higher education
Award-winning sex educator and coach Ashley MantaI highly recommends sex coaching for anyone who could use support and guidance around pleasure and intimacy. Not in the market for those kinds of services? There are tons of other great resources, too. Mantal highly recommends the book Come As You Are (2021 updated edition) by Dr. Emily Nagoski and the podcasts Sluts and Scholars, American Sex, and of course, her own, Elevated Intimacy. Reading erotica is another great way to spark ideas for scenarios to explore or positions to try, she says.
13.
build your own sex room
Yes, it’s possible to upgrade your digs without a six-figure budget. Think, comfort and cleanliness, textures and materials, says adult film creator-turned-sex educator, intimacy coach, sexological bodyworker and sexual healer Nicole Nawaz. “You want yourself or your guests to feel cozy but also you don't want to be bothered with the mess,” says Nawaz. Steel and glass are great for temperature play, cold or hot, she says. Latex or rubber are easy to just wipe down. Avoid porous textures and materials, which will soak up liquids. “A mirror is a must-have. A bench, a nice chair, and something or somewhere you can place a hard point. That would be something that can hold body weight or a certain amount of body weight. This can be a bedpost, a dining room table or a pole.” Lastly, have fun!
14.
masturbate while wearing a butt plug
Sex coach Katie Henricks says it's like getting a chiropractic adjustment when you orgasm.
15.
remember that anal is the new oral
Whether you're new to the booty game or a pro player, b vibe's Alicia Sinclair Rosen says there are endless ways to stay curious and creative, from flavored lubes, stainless-steel wands and a plethora of new vibes, “And the cool thing I like about butt stuff is that there's not just one giver or receiver, it's an equal opportunity orifice,” she says. “You can really go back and forth between experimenting with somebody else's butt and letting somebody experiment with your butt. There's a lot of room in there and there’s so many ways to play. There's massage, there's rimming, there's toys like so many toys, penetration, there's really a lot of opportunity.” Don't forget her golden rules, if you're just starting out: start slow, small and slippery.
16.
add energy play into foreplay
Spiritual medium and energy worker, Jamie Butler, says when you turn off your brain from over-thinking and starting feeling your body — and your lover's — you're able to connect better and heighten pleasure. You'll also be able to move the energy between you as well as through your body, priming yourself for that full-body orgasm. If you're having trouble connecting or getting your mind in the moment, start with gratitude she says. Thanking your lover for who they are, how they make you feel, something they done for you, or even simply how hot they look, can make them feel appreciated and get you both more engaged with your bodies.
17.
take rope bondage to the next level
Kinky + bored? Take rope bondage to the next level by adding suspension, says Inka Nevala, creative director at SNCTM and the award-winning burlesque performer LouLou D'vil. “This involves suspending an individual with ropes, creating a breathtaking visual display while providing an exhilarating, sometimes even gruesome experience, depending on the individual's wishes,” says Nevala. Through skilled technique, professional rigging and open communication, it becomes a mesmerizing dance, offering participants a unique exploration of physical sensations and emotional liberation. You can add yet another level by introducing candle wax play or using different types of sex toys, or other sexual activities, says Nevala.
What are some of your juiciest sex tips?
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claire coghlan
claire coghlan is an award-winning editor, author, speaker, ghostwriter + writer for New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Vanity Fair, Vogue, Forbes, InStyle, Women's Wear Daily and more.
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