slow sex: how slow can you go?

With everything in our world moving so fast, there's a case to be made for slowing the fuck down, especially when it comes to fucking. With studies showing one of the main benefits of slow sex are the bigger, bolder, more intense orgasms that can build, sex experts tell us there are so many other delicious perks. Think better sex (you're more present for yourself and your partner), more sensation (you're savoring the taste, touch, smell, sights and sounds), more pleasure (you're exploring, playing, discovering and lingering more), less stress about orgasming (because all this non-orgasmic play is so delicious) and so much more. 

And while there's no official time set for how long slow sex should last, maybe start with stretching your current sessions. And if you're already a slow-sex pro, maybe weekend sex marathons are your next goal? 

Like always, it's about the journey. 


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  • take your sweet-ass time on the erogenous zones.
  • use a playlist to guide you. think, slow, drippy, sexy.
  • cut your speed in half. then cut it in half again.
  • use your senses to stay in the moment. have props on standby to remind you, like a cherries (scent/taste), an ice bucket (sound/texture/temperature), champagne (taste, texture, temperature), feather boa or feather fan (touch), tease-me-all-night-long lingerie and accessories (sight)
  • engage your senses from moment to moment. can you hear their breath? what does their skin smell like? how do their lips taste? take your lover through your experience of discovery and exploration.
  • try play-by-play commentary to ignite your arousal.
  • start with featherlight touch and stroke their skin from head to toe, lingering in places that move them (ask them to tell you), then gradually increase pressure.
  • let your breath slow you. be mindful of slowing your inhales and exhales, using deep belly breaths to stay conscious of your pace. bonus: this is great for building energy as well.
  • sync your breath to your lover's to build connection and slow you both down.
  • give your partner permission to direct you in their own slow movie. let them guide you from toes to tips of your hair using touch, tongue, taste, lips, mouth, eyes, slowly devouring their body and discovering new pathways to pleasure.
  • add in eye gazing. pause. look in one another’s eyes. hold it for longer than feels comfortable (or feels beyond comfortable). breathe. share a deep truth and see how it lands in your partner’s eyes.
  • when the intensity builds, pause and take a break. run a bath. bathe together. reground. then begin again.
  • explore a new toy for the first time together. the goal is to arouse and tease, not climax. because the process is slowwwwwww.
  • focus solely on what’s new with the goal of not doing anything like you’ve done it before.
  • follow your body not your brain and find new ways to linger, play and explore.
  • add at least one new sex position. And take your time. move slowly, consciously, sensually.
  • if there’s penetration — penis, plugs, dildos, fingers — make it slow AF. there are so many nerve endings inside vaginas and anuses. don't skip them.
  • remember, climax is not the goal. but if it comes, let it build slowly. this is about zero pressure, infinite pleasure
  • roll the sex dice. domme-turned-sexologist Nicole Nawaz loves these sex toys for sex rooms. with endless options to play, you’ll get lost in the moment.
  • tune into the natural rhythms of nature. open the window, feel the breeze move through the room. hear the sound of the leaves rustling outside. feel the cool heat of the moon on your skin. breathe in. breathe out.
  • make kissing its own event and see how much of their skin you can cover with your lips, tongue and mouth.
  • ensure round 2 by adding erotic massage to your “aftercare”. cuddle, nuzzle, stroke them back into arousal and start a new playtime sesh.
  • play with a little show and tell. is there something in your bag of tricks that you’ve been wanting to share with your partner? take your time showing them… maybe even add some teacher-student role play.
  • read (or listen to) your favorite erotica. slowly. sensually. are there scenes you can act out, a persona you can take on, some dirty talk that inspires you? 
  • kink curious? introduce something you’ve been wanting to try, slowly. for example, place your hand (or a silk scarf or the silk ties of your boa high-waisted panties) around their throat and squeeze a little, then a little more, then a little more… PS if you don't have a safe word yet, get on it first.
  • find a slow grind. start with a barely there rocking motion in your pelvis and build to a deep, slow, gritty grind… while they watch.
  • in what other voyeuristic ways can you play… while you've got their attention.
  • if you’re into penetrative sex, play with holding still while they’re inside you. change pace, change stroke style, grind speed, grip. move to the rhythm of your body — even if that’s no rhythm at all.
  • alter the ambiance. maybe start with lights on and move to a moodier vibe or vice versa to stay stimulated, engagee, present.

Is slow sex part of your repertoire? What are your favorite ways to slow it down? If we're missing something, tell us below.

xxx, Lunatic Femme

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