slow sex: how to make slow AF sex worth your time

written by: claire coghlan + lunatic femme

time to read 3 min

slow sex: how slow can you go?

Everyone's fucking like they're late for something. What happens if you're not?

Turns out a lot. Research backs the obvious part... pumping the brakes creates slower builds and can produce bigger, harder orgasms. But the orgasm isn't the most interesting part. It's all the deliciousness you find on the way there.

You stop chasing the finish. You catch what you used to rail past: the sound a lover makes before they make any sound, the half-second before a kiss lands, the heat of their breath, the temperature of skin changing. Instead of plowing toward an ending, you're living within the event.

There's no clock for this, no official, "oh hey we're doing slow sex now", no marathon to train for. Just take longer than you think it should. Then longer. Then longer.

If you're doing it right, you'll lose track of how long it's been and likely reached your finish more than once without even trying. That's it.

xxx

take your sweet-ass time on the erogenous zones.
use a playlist to guide you. think, slow, drippy, sexy.
cut your speed in half. then cut it in half again.
keep things in reach that make it impossible to stay in your head and out of your body. Cold things. Sharp things. Sweet things. Silky things. Use them on each other.
engage your senses from moment to moment. can you hear their breath whisper across your skin? what does their neck smell like up close? how do their lips taste? take your lover through your experience of discovering them.
try play-by-play commentary to ignite your arousal.
graze their skin so lightly it barely registers as touch. explore places they don't know about... back of the knee, inside the wrist, under the jawline. listen for their response and adjust your timing and touch in return.
let your breath slow you. your body will follow wherever it takes you.
sync your breath to your lover's to build connection and slow you both down.
give your partner permission to direct you in their own slow movie. whatever they ask you to do, make it deliberately, achingly slow.
add in eye gazing. pause. look in one another’s eyes. hold it for longer than feels comfortable (or feels beyond comfortable). breathe. share a deep truth and see how it lands in your partner’s eyes.
when the intensity builds, pause and take a break. run a bath. bathe together. reground. then begin again.
explore a new toy for the first time together. the goal is to arouse and tease, not climax. because the process is slowww.
focus solely on what’s new with the goal of not doing anything like you’ve done it before.
follow your body not your brain and find new ways to linger where it wants to play.
add at least one new sex position. take way too much time getting there.
if there’s penetration — penises, plugs, dildos, fingers —make it slow AF. there's a whole world inside you. stay a while.
remember, climax is not the goal. but if it comes, let it build slowly. this is about zero pressure, infinite pleasure.
roll the sex dice. there's a reason sexologist Nicole Nawaz keeps these in her sex room.
open a window, feel the breeze move through the room and over your skin.
make kissing its own event and see how much of their skin you can cover with your lips, tongue and mouth.
the space between rounds might just be the most under-used part of sex. keep touching, nuzzling, connecting with no destination.
play with a little show and tell. is there something in your bag of tricks that you’ve been wanting to share with your lover? take your time showing them
read (or listen to) your favorite erotica. slowly. sensually. are there scenes you can act out, a persona you can take on, some dirty talk that inspires you?
kink curious? well you've got time to play now. pick the fantasy you've been too nervous to ask for, safe word first.
find a slow grind. start with a barely there rocking motion in your pelvis and build to a deep, slow, gritty grind… while they watch.
in what other voyeuristic ways can you play… while you've got their attention. touch yourself until they beg to join you.
if you’re into penetrative sex, play with holding still while they’re inside you. change pace, change stroke style, grind speed, grip. move to the rhythm of your body — even if that’s no rhythm at all.
alter the ambiance half-way through. shift the lighting, change the music. create a deliberate pause to break momentum.