how to explore 10 different kinks whether you're a beginner or a pro
by Suzannah Weiss, certified sex educator, sex/love coach, feminist writer
Kink doesn’t have to be intimidating. If you’re not sure whether it’s for you, it’s easy to dip your toes in without jumping into the deep end… then wade in further if you so desire.
Here are a few kinks to explore if you’re interested in adding something new to your sex life, ranging from the mildest to the spiciest.
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1. Exhibitionism — sexual gratification through being watched
Beginner: surprise your partner by greeting them in a fun piece of lingerie
Intermediate: send a partner a photo of you touching yourself, stripping or posing seductively
Advanced: show everything off on a nude beach or clothing-optional resort
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2. Voyeurism — sexual gratification through the act of watching
Beginner: watch porn or social sex with a partner
Intermediate: ask a partner to film themselves for you
Advanced: attend a sex party and observe all the X-rated fun in person
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3. Technosexuality — sexual activity involving technology
Beginner: use a vibrator on yourself — or have a partner use one on you — during sex
Intermediate: have a partner use an app-controlled vibrator on you from a distance
Advanced: invest in a sex machine that will do the dirty work for you
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4. Temperature play — playing with hot and cold sensations
Beginner: run ice cubes over each other’s bodies
Intermediate: warm or heat up sex toys by placing them in water of your desired temperature (some are also freezable or microwavable)
Advanced: bring a massage candle into the bedroom and rub each other (or yourself) with the melted wax
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5. Restraint — tying/being tied up
Beginner: tie each other to the bedpost with a sash or tie
Intermediate: play with a pair of handcuffs (just make sure you don’t lose the key!)
Advanced: get a shibari rope and a guidebook to learn how to make fancy knots
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6. Impact — using force to create sensations
Beginner: spank your partner or get spanked, starting with the lightest touch and working upward
Intermediate: get a flogger and drag it across each other’s skin, using more force if desired
Advanced: use a spanking paddle, being very careful to start slowly
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7. Domination and submission — playing with power and control
Beginner: have one partner order the other around (“get on your back,” “spread your legs,” etc.)
Intermediate: play with orgasm denial (“you can’t cum until I say you can”)
Advanced: role-play a scene involving power dynamics, like teacher/student or boss/employee
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8. Group sex — sex with more than two people
Beginner: watch a cam show with a partner and see how you like having someone else virtually present
Intermediate: invite another sexy human to watch you two have sex
Advanced: have the other person join in if the chemistry is right
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9. Dirty talk — speaking to each other in ways that are arousing
Beginner: tell each other what words and phrases get you going, and pull them out in the bedroom (here’s a list of options)
Intermediate: sext each other throughout the day to build anticipation
Advanced: write erotic stories and whisper them into each other’s ears
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10. Praise kink — getting off on being praised
Beginner: moan, groan and tell each other when something feels good (which you should probably be doing anyway)
Intermediate: stand in front of a mirror with your partner behind you and have them point out everything they love about your body
Advanced: have your partner show you off to a friend or other third party and tell them what a good girl you are
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How do you take your favorite kinks up or down a notch? 👇💋
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