try these holiday-themed sex tips to bring out the ho ho ho in you (+ them)

If you're like us, you love a spicier, naughtier, more playful take on the holidays. If that's your vibe, too, check out our completely unapproved, unauthorized spin on how to seduce your Santa this year. There's naughtiness, kink, mayhem, spiked drinks and, yes, even though it's naughty, you still need consent before springing these into action. Sure, all Santas probably love surprises (it's in the job description), but they might not all like to be tied up to a Xmas tree and spanked with candy canes. Know your audience and ask nicely first.


holiday sex tips lunatic femme


Wear the sugar trap booty harness + nothing else. Don’t leave Santa guessing what you want this year.



Spike their plate of cookies with weed. It makes foreplay more luscious and eases the anxiety of all that last-minute, gift-wrapping hustle.


Stuff some sexy surprises in Santa’s pockets as a reminder of what awaits them when their work is done.


Stuff their stocking with a new suite of lubes. So many new ones to try, so little time during the holidays. Why not hook them up with a collection so playtime extends through the new year.


Rewrite your holiday wishlist with kinks, fantasies and delicious new ways to play (you’ve only got a couple of weeks left to land your sex bucket list in 2023).



Roll out the outdoor games sex mat by the fireside. Bonus points for having the snkx straps attached. You know, to restrain them if they get a little feisty.



Trade their glass of milk for a brandy. Top shelf, of course, because we all know Santas can be bougie AF and we love it.


Tie them to their sleigh (bed). Once restrained, make sure you get everything on your wishlist.


Strip them of their Santa suit, rewarding them with each piece they let you peel off.


Didn’t get what you wanted this year? Spankings might be in order.


Catch them under the mistletoe… wearing the voyeur 4-in-1 blindfold mask. Cuz who doesn’t like kissing strangers?



Santas love learning… why not teach them this season’s hottest new tricks with an online sex class? Think pussy worship, face sitting, fisting and whatever else will help you mainline some holiday magic.


If you’ve been naughty, not nice, let Santa show their displeasure…. In the most satisfying way.


Give Santa a foot rub. After all, it’s been a long night… and they’re not finished yet :)


Show your Santa where the origin story of “ho, ho, ho” really came from. Don’t leave out any details.


Retell “Twas the Night Before Christmas” but make it erotica, using your fantasies as inspiration.



Tie the scorpion ring collar necklace around their neck and walk that dog. Treat them if they beg the right way.



Upgrade Santa’s toolbox with yummy sex toys, a flogger they’ve been eying, massage candles, erotic incense, furry handcuffs, a leather whip…


Do a role (play) reversal. You’re Santa, Santa’s you. Make them earn their spot on the nice (or naughty) list before the night is over.


Keep your Santa inspired and energized all through the night (and day) with dirty texts that remind them of what you’re going to do to them later.


Santas jobs are ice cold. Thaw their chill zones using your lips, your mouth, your hot breath — they’ll be happy to tell you everywhere that needs heat.


Swap out Santa’s Christmas carols with a sexy playlist that makes Rudolph’s “nose” light up.



 Wrap yourself as a gift tying ribbons everywhere you want to be kissed, cherished and savored. If you like a silkier, kinkier, more compressed ribbon, try our SNKX play straps for deliciously secure harness look.



Leave a trail of cookie crumbs leading all the way to the bed (or wherever Mrs. Clause wants to get gifted).


At the end of the night, Santa loves returning home to Mrs. Claus… who shows her  gratitude for a job well done….[insert cock or pussy worship, whatever applies to your Santa.]


If Santa’s been deliciously good, treat them to an erotic massage that makes them believe in the magic of the holidays.


If Santa’s still feeling the chill, run them a hot bath… filled with bubbles and their favorite (naked) elf. Remember, Christmas is like Vegas: Whatever happens under the water, stays under the water.



If your Santa is a true bon vivant with worldly experience and a “done-it-all” resume, repeat this list (or theirs) but with a blindfold

Are your holidays as hot as you'd like them to be? Did we miss your fave holiday sex tips? Drop them in the comments.

xxx, Lunatic Femme

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claire coghlan writer

claire coghlan

claire coghlan is an award-winning editor, author, speaker, ghostwriter + writer for New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Vanity Fair, Vogue, Forbes, InStyle, Women's Wear Daily and more.