free lap dance? warning: it will level up all your holiday gift guides forever

What's more luxurious, more indulgent, more unforgettable than gifting your lover the sexiest fuck-off lap dance of their dreams? We'll wait…

You don't need to be a professional dancer, take endless hours of training or work a pole like an athlete to look like the gift you are. It takes being in your body, moving in ways that feel good to you, and of course, weed, music, mojo and lingerie help ;). 

Try these tips below and use what feels good to you whenever you're down to gift them (or you) that authentic piece of you only you can give.


holiday gift guide  sexy lap dance

prep for your lap dance

switch out your clear light bulbs to red

It not only sets a sultry mood, it casts stunning light against the skin

light a ton of candles

The more you light, the greater the ambience and moodiness. All shapes and sizes.


create a smoking playlist

Think slow, sultry, sensual… whatever music stirs something in your body, your hips, your thighs. A man’s voice? A woman’s voice? Blues? Jazz? Hard rock? Experiment until you find your siren’s song.


choose the perfect chair

Have them sit in an armchair, ideally, with sturdy arms and a strong back… the better for you to crawl and cat pounce all over them….


pave the way with something delicious

Create a (knees-friendly) runway so you can crawl to the chair in slinky comfort. think faux fur, shearling, silk throws, soft carpeting…


make them a cocktail

Ignite their senses from taste to scent with a decadent, crafted drink with a delectable, drippy garnish, like whiskeyed cherries, that they can wrap their tongue (and yours) around.


accessorize your lap dance moves.

Floggers, straps, cuffs, scarves, blindfolds, masks, whatever lets you play with your own body, rev up your eroticism and tease your lover.


scent your skin.

Whether it’s perfume or essential oil or rose water, spritz your skin with a scent you know will drive them (and you) wild.


untame your hair.

Whether it’s long or short, unleash the sensual power of your hair in its free-flowing natural wildness to tickle and tease and heighten the experience.


sex up your dress code

You want layerable pieces in a variety of fabrics and hardware to let your hands (and their gaze) play. Consider adorning any parts of your body that want to be expressed… straps on upper thighs, corsets on waists, wraps around arms like cuffs, collars and neck chokers.

sexy lap dance holiday gift guide
lunatic femme sexy lap dance holiday gift guide

the lap dance

start with support

Begin facing them in a spot where you have support at your back or beneath you — like a wall, pillar, couch — and allow yourself a few moments to land in your body. Trust us, they will fucking love taking you in and are reveling in the anticipation. Take some slow deep inhales. Let your breath fill your body and feel the rise of your chest and breasts with energy. Feel yourself ground, feel the music, let it move you, let your body stir and start to move in slow, undulating circles — first with a slow, sensual head roll.

charge up your body

Notice the circles as they ripple outward, slowly rolling your head and shoulders, then feel the charge down through your chest, maybe eventually your hips and pelvis as your own life force energy stirs and sparks through you.

 engage them

When you’re ready, make eye contact. This looks and feels completely different when coming from a charge-up, ignited body. Explore the intensity of the gaze as you hold them in it and vice versa. Notice if you feel like the Domme or the sub. The predator or the prey? The hunter or the hunted? Do you like it? What do you want? Can you convey your desires with your eyes? Can you feel what they want?

 slow the fuck down

Let your movements become even slower, even bigger as you play with the gaze — giving it, withdrawing it — which allows them the luxury of taking in all of you in your erotic, breath-fueled movement, before being re-captured by your gaze. Revel in this power and tease. Listen to how it lands in your body.

 start to move toward them

Maybe this takes you down to the floor and you find your version of a tigress (or kitty cat) crawl, where you undulate slowly from shoulder to shoulder, from hip to hip, from wrist to wrist, occasionally lifting your head and stretching your throat and granting them the power of your gaze… and then taking it away and letting them take you in. 

make this a journey, not a race

The longer it takes you to get to the chair, the more delicious the ride. Pause to take in your lover, feel your lingerie against your skin, run your fingers through your hair, stroke the skin on your thighs, your hips, your neckline and revel in how yummy it feels. Your pleasure is theirs.

make your approach 

As you get close to the chair, maybe you crawl all the way there, laying your head in their lap and nuzzling and nibbling before you…

 pull yourself up onto them

Using the arms of the chair, slowly pull yourself up. Using the call and the craving of your body, maybe you stand before them, maybe you kneel on the chair, between their parted legs, and slowly reach your chest forward…. allowing them to take in the scent of your hair and your skin and the stellar view of your chest in your most delicious lingerie, whether it’s a push-up bra, a bustier, a silk cami, a bandeau, pasties…

use your assets 

Slowly move your chest in circles reaching and stretching toward them and away, sending their pulse racing as you stretch and stir and enjoy the feeling of their breath on your skin, their scent, the desire in their eyes, the desire in their hands to reach out and touch you.

 get. even. closer.

Keep your crawl on. Maybe you raise one (or both) knees onto the arm(s) of the chair and allow your chest swirls to ripple even larger, move even closer… maybe it’s a turn-on to feel them pinned beneath you as you gaze down on their ecstatic pleasure. Maybe you also feel how a grind of your hips against their body, the arm of the chair, their lap.

 own the chair

Maybe you position your knees on one arm and your hands on the other and you continue your circles across their lap, your ass rising and falling and swaying and sweeping across their view.

tease them from behind 

Maybe you climb down from the chair and crawl or sashay around to the back of the chair and let them experience the thrill of being nuzzled from behind as you nibble their neck or allow your hair to drape and tumble over their shoulder... Maybe you graze your lips over their neck, let ties from your lingerie stroke their shoulders.

taunt them with your ass 

Or maybe you stand up in front of them and slowly turn around, teasing them with the view of your ass and some slow, grindy hip circles…. Maybe you place your hands on the arms of the chair and lower your undulating ass down to hover over their lap…. Maybe the undulations start to slide forwards and backwards, teasing with the view and the heat of your proximity…. maybe you melt all the way down onto their lap and curl up like a kitten who’s ready for the next course….

holiday gift guide sexy lap dance

the dessert course

it’s their turn to dance.

Stay in your grounded breath, your grounded movement, feeling every nuance of the music and the response in their body to your breath, your movement, and take it from there, breath on breath, movement on movement… let your bodies together create a new language of breath, movement, intimacy, sensuality, exploration, tease, touch…


Are you adding a yummy lap dance to your holiday gift guide or theirs? 

xxx, Lunatic Femme

add these erotic luxuries to your wishlist for your next lap dance

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claire coghlan writer

claire coghlan

claire coghlan is an award-winning editor, author, speaker, ghostwriter + writer for New York Times, Los Angeles Times, Vanity Fair, Vogue, Forbes, InStyle, Women's Wear Daily and more. in her spare time, she's a trained body whisperer and body movement instructor.