how to love your body the way she deserves

Seems too simple to be true, but what if one of the ways to unlock happiness, pleasure and personal is start with self-love. And self-love can start with finding ways to fall in love with your body. How she moves, what she feels like, what she desires. If we leave it up to the outside world — the media, our exes, our past, the people in our lives — the more power we give to them to control our moods, our desire, our pleasure. But if we pause and start taking notice of what we truly love, experts tell us we learn to trust ourselves more, and that begins to unlock a whole new relationship with our body and our life.

We've listed some ways to start your self-love journey. Perhaps most important, though, is to think of yourself as your body’s cheerleader, hype woman, ride or die, lover, booty call, bestie, rather than the person who criticizes, shames or . Test-drive a few of these tricks, let them inspire something that moves you and start to love your body like it deserves. 

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Ask yourself what body part you love.

Describe all the reasons why you love her. Soak yourself in that enjoyment. Gratitude. Appreciation. Let it flood your cells, your neurons until it lives as your truth. Chances are, you’ll find your body prefers sweet-talking over shit-talking (unless that’s your kink, of course). And when you’re focused on pleasure, there’s literally zero space in your brain for negativity. 

Find out what she needs

Tantric healer and empowerment coach Cheyenne Sapphire opened up a whole new relationship with her body by simply starting a conversation with her, asking her what she needs in any given moment. During a time she was struggling with an injury, rather than ignore the pain and power through, she slowed down, asked her body what it wanted and gave it her. This started a level of vulnerability and conversation that led to self-trust, self-love, trust and strength in whole new ways.

Give her pet names. 

Become close friends with every inch of you and if there’s an elbow or an ankle or an ass cheek you don’t revel in, give her a name that reminds to pump the brakes on your inner critic. After all, dicks aren’t the only members that deserve (over-hyped) monikers. 

Personalize her parts. 

Now that you’ve named her, claim her. Your body is unique. It’s yours. It’s not like anybody else’s. It doesn’t look like anybody else’s. It’s beautifully, quirkily, uniquely, beautifully yours. Whether it’s your thighs, your tummy, your back, own them all. And that confidence and pride is what makes you and them hot.

Manifest what your body loves. 

Create a vision board, Pinterest board, journal or bedroom wall showcasing images of bodies you love, bodies that arouse you, bodies that move you, bodies that look different than what media portrays as “beautiful.” Discover what shapes and curves catch your eye. What do you notice and appreciate about them? Admiring the gorgeous differences and “imperfections” in others opens you up to loving yourself in the same way.

Decorate your body. 

What part of your body have you always wanted to accent in gold, or diamonds, or pearls, or beads or [insert vice here]... your neck, your lobes, your nostril, your erogenous zone, your belly button, your ankle, your toe, your hand, your forearm, your wrists [both of them… no judgment here]. Few things will put you in a queen’s mindset quicker than treating yourself like one.

Drip your body in fragrance. 

Studies have long shown that fragrances can improve mood, reduce stress, stir creativity, arouse us and more. So why not use those benefits to create positive associations with your body? Apply your favorite scents on various areas so you (or your lover(s)) have indulgent new experiences everywhere they inhale you. Maybe you drench your right side in florals, your left side in spice. Your top half musks, your bottom, au natural…. Or, got a power scent that puts you in a kickass frame of mind? Put it everywhere so you can access it on demand. 

Move her, rock her, disrupt her. 

Press play on your fave sensual tunes…. Start lying down. Back on the floor… or bed… or couch… or dining table…. Take a deep inhale. Feel your back arch. Exhale, feel your stomach empty. Place a hand on your belly, feel her rise and fall. Move your hand as you keep breathing, discovering all the ways your body rises and falls. Like a waterfall? A river? An ocean? How does she swell? Dip? Recede? Advance? Let her movements get bigger and more expansive. Does she roll, crawl, rise to her feet? Follow the flow and let her move you… let her be moved. Let her drive the music, dance around it, make love to it, fuck it. Let her move in ways that only she uniquely moves without fear or judgment. (Pro tip: If you have a love/hate relationship with the mirror, steer clear of it for this exercise.)  

Seduce your body like it's your job.

Seduce her. Date her. Bring her to knees with joy. Or tears. Wrap her in silk or feathers or leather. Let her feel. We’re all so focused on external demands and obligations and stress often at the expense of our bodies (little sleep, fast food, sitting hours at a desk without moving...). But the one thing holding it all down — your body — doesn’t always get the same TLC and attention. Block time on your calendar every day, even just a few minutes, for her.

Dress your body up. 

Starting from the inside out. Like unpeeling a ripe fruit, but from the inside. Layer on what you love. Lace? Leather? Silk? Satin? Strings? Straps? Studs? Cuffs? Belts? Cinchers? Corsets? Cotton? Delight your body by layering on her favorite textures, colors, shapes, fabrics, fits…. Which might be nothing at all. Maybe she likes just one layer? And everything moves around inside that barely there cocoon of sensuality?

Talk dirty to her. 

Replace negative thoughts, words and judgment with a little dirty talk. It helps you spot your inner critic more quickly and shift into a happier state of mind. And, if nothing else, it’s fun practice to expand your repertoire of four-letter words and euphemisms for all your body's parts, not just the genitalia.

Play. 

Do things that make you laugh, sports that you excel at, activities that bring you joy, that impossible-to-land kama sutra pose you nailed in seconds. The more you do that allows you to show gratitude for your body by celebrating her, worshiping her and playing with her, the better of a relationship you’ll have with her.

BONUS: Masturbate. Period.