erotic blueprint sex coach laurie love is ready to transform your sex life

If you're looking to transform your sex life with one of the masters of the craft, you're in good hands with sex, intimacy and erotic blueprint coach Laurie Love, whose been working with erotic blueprints for more than 10 years and is mentored by Jaiya, the award-winning sexologist who created the erotic blueprint. (See Netflix's Sex, Love & Goop for a sneak peek at how it works.)

Erotic blueprints are so gamechanging because not only tell you your turn ons (and offs) but they also help you better understand who you are as an erotic being. The end goal? Endless pleasure, sexual bliss and a whole new way of relating to yourself and your lovers. 

Laurie was kind enough to deep dive into the erotic blueprints for us. And if you want more personal insight, book a complimentary discovery call with her genius. 

xxx

what are the erotic blueprints and how can we use them in our sex lives?

laurie love, erotic blueprint coach

The erotic blueprints are a type system or framework for our sexuality and were created by my mentor Jaiya. Each erotic blueprint likes a different turn-on and turn-off. There are five erotic blueprint types: energetic, sensual, sexual, kinky and shapeshifter. Each one of these has a very unique set of likes and dislikes and preferences both in touch and words. So we can take these likes and these preferences, and we can use them for arousal. Each one of these blueprints also has turn-offs, which we call the shadows. Which can either short-circuit us or disconnect us, or stop us from being intimate.

The number one way that we can use them is that we can learn the language of each blueprint. For instance, let’s look at the language of the energetic blueprint. The energetic blueprint loves a lot of space. They love anticipation, they love tease. They also like certain words, and they like certain touches. Some of the words that an energetic blueprint will like are more airy, fairy, spiritual, ethereal. Words that have a lot of openness and spaciousness, and describe higher-level consciousness things. The kind of touch that energetics like is hovering hands or very light tough. Some Energetics don't need any kind of touch in order to feel turned on, so hovering hands over their bodies is really nice. Feathery touch, just fingertip sensation along the skin or very light touch really turns an energetic on.

Now let's take the sexual blueprint. It’s what we think of when we think of sex. We think of genitals. We think of nudity. We think of nakedness. We think of penetration. So the sexual blueprint is like, "All right. I'm ready to go. Let's get naked. Let's get it on. I'm ready for penetration." If you're with an energetic, an energetic needs a lot more spaciousness and a lot more time for their nervous system to relax. So if a sexual blueprint comes at an energetic — like what my partner would do for years is and I'm highly energetic, he’s highly sexual — so he would just be ready to ravish me. My energetic would be like, "Hang on just a second. I need a little bit of space. I need a little bit of time." Him going straight for my genitals would actually short-circuit me and shut me down. So a lot of safety needs to be created within the body. That's where that spaciousness and that hovering hands, and that getting used to the idea of, yes, we're going to engage in sex, and penetration is the desired goal and being able to relax into it before it actually happens is key.

does that mean then both partners kind of meet each other in the middle? how does that work?

laurie love

Yeah, absolutely. The importance of the erotic blueprints is to figure out what your blueprints are and what your partner's blueprints are, and then learn the language of the blueprints. Learn what words each other wants to hear. Learn the kinds of touches each other prefers, so that when you come together, you have a playground. When you're on the playground, it's like, "Okay. Do we want to go and swing on the swings, or do we want to play in the sandbox?"

We have our preferences of where we want to go and what direction feels really good to us. In the bedroom I can communicate, "All right. I'm feeling sexy. But you know what's really sexy, is if you stand at the other end of the room, and you come to me slowly. And you look at me like you really, really want me. That really turns me on." So instead of expecting our partner to know these things, and to be well versed and well practiced in our blueprint language, we're able to learn what it is that we want, and then be able to communicate it.

i can imagine in the whole sea of possibilities, it’s hard to even pinpoint, “i would like someone to stand at the other end of the room and walk slowly toward me.”

laurie love

Yeah, right? Absolutely. But you know how you see it in a movie, and you're like, "Oh my gosh. That guy is so hot. He has that penetrating gaze." Where did he learn that from? How did he develop that? What is that property? I could tell that my partner would be like, "Well, I don't know what you're wanting." I could say, "Hey. I watched this scene in this movie, and it's really hot." And now, we can extract what it is that's really hot about it. It's almost like a persona that he can also put on and embody, and then we can play with it.

Another beautiful thing about the erotic blueprints is that we can develop these erotic personas in each one of the blueprints, and we get to try it on. We get to play with it. We get to see what works for us. We get to see, what does this character, what does this blueprint like? What does my sensual blueprint really want? She wants really furry, fuzzy things, and she wants softness around her. She wants wonderful, beautiful smells. She wants fragrance and essential oils, and oil being smothered all over her body is really important to her. Having tasty food around, being fed, being nourished, having lots of time and space. These are quintessential things to the sensual blueprint for example. Once we learn what it is that we like in each one of our blueprints, we can then prepare ourselves, and prepare the scene and prepare the situation for something really hot to happen. Be more prepared in our daily life for that spark and that spontaneity, and that zest and that hotness that we're looking for.

it sounds like once you open up the language, there's just even more to explore.

laurie love

Yes absolutely. For instance, a sensual blueprint, they love lots of words that are very descriptive. And they like a certain tone of voice that is deeper and slower and softer, kind of like how I'm speaking now. Versus a sexual blueprint, a sexual blueprint is maybe more like, "Get to the point. Let's get to it, get at it. Hey, let's fuck. Hey, let's do this. Hey, I want you." A sensual is like, "Oh, I would really love to make love to you right now. It would just fill my heart with so much juicy reverence, if we could be decadent for hours together." So you see the difference between the language and the speaking?

seems like an easy entrance into role play, too.

laurie love

Most definitely. Yeah.

how would you describe the five different erotic blueprint types in terms of a language, i.e., what they like and how to communicate with them?

laurie love

I'm happy to go into more depth on each one of them. I've talked a little bit about the energetic blueprint and the sensual blueprint and the sexual blueprint. Let's dive into the energetic blueprint just a little bit more, because there are a couple of really great points that I'd love for people to know about. Energetics are very, very sensitive energetically, physically and emotionally. Arousal can start way before any physical connection or touch happens. Sometimes, energetics are even able to have orgasms without being touched.

That's where that example of the hovering hands that I gave was really cool. Another thing is that as a partner's arousal level rises, so does theirs. Because they're so energetically connected and sensitive that their partner's turn-on can be their turn-on as well. Energetics may experience altered states during sex. So seeing colors, going into a trance state, like going to another universe, that is a very common occurrence for people who are highly energetic.

The sensual blueprint… sensuals love their world to be rich in sensuality. Sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, all of these qualities and attributes are really important to them. They really get fed by the richness and fullness of life that they see around them and that they experience around them. They have an amazing capacity to receive physical pleasure through sensation when they are dropped into their body. That can look like oil massages, sensual baths, essential oils, all of that can be an extreme turn-on. Fuzzy fabrics, whatever feels good to the body. Orgasms can be a multi-sensory experience. If you've ever eaten a really yummy, juicy piece of fruit that you absolutely loved and your eyes rolled up in your head, you had a food orgasm. For the sensuals, it's not about physical penetration, and penis and vagina orgasms. It can be in lots of different ways. Looking at a really nice piece of art, or really appreciating a scene in nature or a flower that just makes you feel more fulfilled and enriched and alive. That is the quintessential sensual blueprint. When sensuals are really relaxed, they can indulge in the journey without any focus on the end goal. That's where the, "You know? I don't really need to have an orgasm. I'm cool, because oh my gosh, your hands feel amazing all over my body. I love this."

The sexual blueprint… what's great about the sexual blueprint is that sexuals love to have sex. They love orgasms, they love genitals, and they love being able to indulge. And being able to indulge just makes life feel good. It makes the world feel right. They're like, "I'm powerful. I'm satiated. I'm having fun." Sexuals are fun to play with, because they can bring so much joy and unashamed pleasure in bed. We can have a tendency to be really critical of ourselves. My man is a sexual blueprint, and he's like, "I'm good with your body. I don't care what it looks like. I don't care how much you weigh. I don't care what you're wearing." My entire body is beautiful to him. That is something that I absolutely love and adore. It's like I don't have to try to be some way. He likes my cellulite. He doesn't mind my stretch marks. There is no judgment, because there is just this, "Let's play with all that is here. I am happy that you're here and naked for me."

It can be a lot of fun. That level of acceptance is really, really nice. The sexual blueprint, that's the cultural norm of sexuality when we think of sex. We think of the sexual blueprint type. Sexuals really love getting to the orgasm and climax of sexual play. That is their goal, that is their focus. That's what the experience is all about.

The kinky blueprint… what I love about the kinky blueprint is that kinkies can reach heights of turn-on and orgasm from simply playing in the mind. Fantasy is really cool, power dynamics, sex games, sexting. They're really great. They're really creative, and there's a huge world to uncover and derive pleasure from. There are endless possibilities of creativity in the kinky blueprint. We often think of the kinky blueprint as like BDSM, but there's also the psychological aspect. So there's psychological, and then there's sensation-based.

BDSM plays into the sensation-based, but there's a whole world of psychological kink. What's really cool about the kinky blueprint and BDSM is that intense sensation or pain can become very pleasurable. I find that when I'm in my head and I'm not in my body, getting a spanking, being flogged, thudding with loving fists on my muscles really gets me to drop into my body, and I absolutely love it. Being tied up is extremely relaxing to me. Being able to give up control and fully surrender is super nice. So I absolutely love the kinky blueprint.

There can be deep healing in playing in the container of kink.When you have a partner that you can reveal things to, and they see you and love you and accept you for who you are, there is nothing more healing. For a long time, I was like, "Oh my gosh, I have this fantasy," or, "This is what I think about when we're having sex." I finally told my partner what I was thinking. I was kind of like, "Oh, but I don't want to hurt his feelings," or, "This is kind of my little secret." In opening up, it actually made our sex life hotter. Because I was like, "You know? I think about other men when we're having sex" and He was like, "I'll be any man you want me to be!"

that's amazing.

laurie love

It was so freaking cool. Oh my gosh, he'll be any man that I need and that I want. Awesome. So that just really freed up so much space in my body and mind, that I didn't have to feel ashamed for the thoughts that I had or the fantasies that I had. I really, really love that.

Then there's the shapeshifter blueprint. The shapeshifter loves it all and wants more of it. So they are easily fluent in all of the erotic blueprint types, which makes them an extraordinary lover. They can have an even bigger capacity to be in pleasure and receive it for hours and hours and hours, and give too. They're usually never boring and they're ever-changing, and very inspired by a variety of different things and creativity in relationships. They can become a fantasy lover for others, because they can identify what their partner's wants, needs and desires are, and then they're happy to please. And vice versa, they can figure out what it is that they want, and then be able to communicate in the moment, "This is what I'm feeling. This is what I would really love to receive."

you can really see how a mismatched blueprint without knowing could really be problematic.

laurie love

Oh, absolutely. In the example that I gave with my partner and I, when I took the Erotic Blueprint quiz my blueprints are that I'm highly energetic and I'm highly sensual, and I have a high psychological kink and sexual was my lowest. My partner, when he first took the erotic blueprint quiz, he was high in sexual, and then his next was sensual, and he was the lowest in energetic and kink. So you can see how me being really high in energetic and him being really low in energetic, he didn't really understand the energetic at all. He thought it was like mumbo jumbo because he's really in his body, and he's very in that sexual blueprint of being very focused on nudity and nakedness. So he didn't really understand, and the idea of hovering his hands over my body was a completely foreign concept. He was like, "Why would you want me to do that?"

He’s really expanded since then. As we were going through learning about the erotic blueprints when we were very new to this, the energetic was the place that I needed to be in and heal in the most. Because I had a tendency to override my boundaries constantly when it came to sex. Because I wanted to have sex, I wanted to connect. I wanted to have that orgasm. I wanted to have that feeling. So I really needed to actually hold off and slow down. When my partner and I were going through this healing phase, I was really upset. I was really upset with him, because I was like, "You're doing it wrong. This isn't right. I don't like this. Our relationship is broken."

One time I was extremely frustrated, and I said, "Could you just hover your hands over my heart?" He was like begrudgingly, "Well, why would you want me to do that?" I said, "Could you just please hover your hands over my heart? Could you please just do this for me?" So he begrudgingly said, "Okay. All right. I guess I will." So he began to hover his hands over my heart giving me his full presence, and tears started streaming out of my eyes. In that moment, he saw that there was something to this energetic blueprint. That there was something that he hadn't previously understood. But by seeing it in me and seeing the effect that it had on me, he became a believer in that instance. That was one of the biggest healing moments of our entire relationship, the fact that he was able to show up for me in that way and believe that I believed.

From there, he's been able to expand into the energetic blueprint, and I am so grateful for it. So yes, to your point, as you can see, when there is a mismatch, it's usually a misunderstanding, or like, "Why would you want that?" Sometimes you do need to acclimate. It could be a new concept, a totally foreign concept. Just something that you haven't experienced before, that you haven't been turned onto yet. That's what I love about the erotic blueprints, is that each blueprint has its turn-ons and has its unique abilities and properties. So once we go in and see what all of those are, it just completely expands our sex life. It totally opens up the possibilities.

it sounds incredible. also, you mentioned there's a shadow side, what are they and how can we use that insight?

laurie love

Shadows are what takes you out of arousal, what takes you out of pleasure. I'll start with the energetic blueprint. Some of the energetic blueprint shadows are, you know that hypersensitivity that I was talking about, being very sensitive to energy and physically and emotionally? That hypersensitivity can cause you to short-circuit if you're touched too much, too fast or too soon. The example that I gave earlier was that my man would go right to my genitals. My energetic would be like, "Whoa, dude. Too fast, too soon, not ready." So you can see in a relationship how that dynamic could make him feel rejected, and then I could feel upset because I hurt his feelings. So you can see how that energy then plays with each other, and it can become very unhealthy because thenI go into people pleasing mode. He may feel less than. But by having this language of like, "Hey, babe. Could you hover your hands over my pussy first, and then move it up my chest to my heart, and move it around?" Doing that practice and that exercise to calm my nervous system. Now he's doing something right, and now this is going to lead to what it is that he wants ultimately. So you can see how important knowing how to speak the languages, and being able to communicate. And also knowing the shadows, knowing that I'm hypersensitive and that's what's going on. And him knowing I'm hypersensitive and that's what's happening. I'm not rejecting him. I just need more time and I need more space.

Energetics can also get bombarded or overwhelmed with other people's emotional energy, or the energy in the environment around us. So it's very easy to need to cocoon, and need to take time and space away from people. To even have their own bedroom. I know many energetics that they have separate bedrooms. They even sometimes have separate houses. But when they get together, it can really make for a really hot and juicy time, because they have that time and they have that space away from each other. That anticipation is building. That desire is building. For some energetics, touch can feel like pain. Hence the hovering hands and the really light feathery touch, because of the hypersensitivity.

Also trauma in the body can affect your energy. Traumas from surgery, traumas from traumatic sexual experiences, emotional trauma from the past. So it's very important to be really, really slow and really respectful of energetics, and sensitive to their sensitivities. Energetics can leave their body and dissociate, and not be present during sex, and find that they are just going through the motions. That's a very common occurrence, because energetics frequently have difficulty with their boundaries. Like I was talking about before, that people-pleasing tendency. I want my partner to love me, therefore I will have penetrative sex before I'm ready. That's a very common thing that I find.

The sensual blueprint, some of the shadows of the sensual is that the sensuals struggle to get out of their head and into their bodies. Their minds run away with distracting thoughts. For instance, I'm highly sensual. Before I became a full-time erotic blueprint coach, I had a professional career that was very high demand, very long hours and very high stress. So when I got home at the end of the day, the last thing that I wanted to do was think about sex, because I was still in work mode. I was still in problem-solving mode. I was still in fix-it mode. Then I was in the, what are we having for dinner? mode. My sensual was like, "I need to get fed, and I want yummy food. What kind of yummy food are we going to have?"

So it was very difficult for me. I needed time and space, and a transition time between getting out of work and getting home, and preparing myself to be in an intimate situation. Sensuals can also worry a lot, and project a lot of things that might not be true. I was just recently working with a client, and she was like, "Oh my gosh. He this and he that. And what about this, and what about that?" I was like, "Well, did he say any of those things to you? Did he email you? Did you get it in writing? Where's all this coming from?" She was like, "Oh, no. That's just all the stuff going on in my mind." So we walked through it, "Okay. What are you projecting? What are you worrying about? Is this true, or is it not? Is this a gut feeling, or is this just a fear? Let's suss it out, and see what's going on here."

Sensuals can also seem incredibly picky, and easily thrown off when conditions aren't perfect. What this could look like in the bedroom, clothes on the floor and a messy partner. And them thinking things like, "Oh my gosh. I can't believe he didn't do the laundry. He didn't pick up his socks, or his underwear smells," or things like that. Or, "Oh, gosh. She didn't clean the kitchen or the bath. When was the last time the bathroom got cleaned... Or the towels are messy." Things like that. Sensuals, any little thing can kind of throw them off.

With sensual partners, their partner might feel like they can never get it right. Sensuals can also think that everything their partner does is wrong.That was one of the examples that I gave before. Is that my sensual shadow would come into the bedroom and be like, "Oh my gosh. You're not doing it right. I don't like how you're touching me. I wish you would do this, and I wish you would do that." That bratty part of me was like, "It's all your fault." He would just feel defeated. He'd be like, "I can't get anything right. There's no pleasing you." So by me learning all of the different sensual touches and types of touch, I could then say, “I would really love it if you could massage my body from my inner thighs all the way down to my ankles." That's much more helpful than, "You're doing it wrong." Right?

That's what I love about learning the language of the blueprints. All of a sudden, we advocate for ourselves, and we learn what it is that we want, and then we're able to communicate it.

The kinky blueprint shadows… with the kinky blueprint, there are feelings of deep shame, guilt or judgment about turn-ons and desires. Because the kinky blueprint is all about what is taboo to you, to you specifically. It is a very unique and individual thing. So a lot of us can feel guilt for the desires that we have, the feeling that we're going to be judged for what seems, quote, unquote, "not normal." And a lot of shame from really identifying with the deepest, darkest places of us. Or shame in the sense that we won't be accepted by others.

So there's a lot of hiding. There's a lot of hiding or fear that we'll get found out, which can create disconnection with our partners. It can even turn into a deeper neurosis about your turn-ons. For example, if you find that you saw a scene in a movie, and the woman was wearing a yellow raincoat, and then you started fantasizing about that yellow raincoat. And then all of a sudden, every partner you had needed to wear a yellow raincoat in order for you to get turned on. You can see how that pathway would lead you into one way of doing things. That specific turn-on becomes your only pathway to orgasm and arousal. Another thing with the kinky blueprint that I cannot stress enough is that kink is all about safety. Safety, safety, safety.

In the kinky blueprint, you can very easily put yourself in danger if you are not properly educated on the safety aspects of playing on the edgier sides of the kink realm. I remember when "Fifty Shades of Grey" came out and was extremely popular. All of these women were like, "Oh my God. I want a dom, and I want to be submissive. I want that." So people went out looking for these doms. And some of these doms were not properly educated on power play and power dynamics, and there were no conversations about consent. In kinky containers, consent is key. Conversations are extremely important. Knowing what your limits are is the foundation of things. For example, there was one woman who was like, "I'll do anything." The dom was like, "Oh, okay. Great." And then he shaved her head. He told her, "You said anything, you would do anything." That's an extreme example about how we really need to learn what it is that we are talking about and how we want to play. That's where this education in kink, especially around your limits, your want tos, your willing tos, and your no ways is extremely important.

All right. The sexual blueprint, so some of the shadows of the sexual blueprint is that they may get way too focused on the end goal. So you're like, need to have a climax, got to have orgasm. "If we don't have penetration, then this was a failure. We didn't have sex." They've got this mentality and it's like, okay, but there's a whole journey here that we can go on. So they sort of miss the journey. I get upset when there's no orgasm sometimes, so I can totally relate to that.

Another of the sexual shadows, they might feel really upset if an orgasm doesn't happen for everybody involved. My partner used to be like, "Oh, okay. Let's try. Let's try. Keep going, keep going, keep going." I'm like, "I'm good. I don't need to keep going." More is not better in this instance, and this was before I learned about my sensual blueprint. It's really comical to look at my relationship and my sex life, and all the relationships that I've had and experiences I've had. And sort of go, "Oh, yeah. This is what was happening. These were the blueprints at play here." It's really fun.

I find the blueprints put all the missing puzzle pieces together. When I heard about all of these superpowers, the turn-ons and the shadows, this light bulb went off in my mind. I was like, "Oh my gosh. This is what's happening. This is what it's about. Wow. Oh.It all makes sense now.” The sexual blueprint can also be very self-focused and totally clueless about what their lover needs, or they might find their lover really complicated. If a sexual blueprint has a shapeshifter partner, they can be like, "Okay, orgasm, penetration, climax. You like that, right? Because you're a shapeshifter, and we can do that." The shapeshifter's like, ", there are other ways to play here. This is just the tip of the iceberg." With the sexual blueprint, genitals become the focus of sex, and you can forget about the rest of the body, and have a very limited definition of what sex is.

I have this sex communication checklist that I use in my practice that is freaking awesome. It has ways of having sex in each of the blueprints. There are so many different ways to have sex that don't involve penetration. It's freaking fascinating. I have learned so much through just this checklist. Then experimenting with things like, tantra is a form of sex in the energetic blueprint. My sensual can literally be having a bubble bath, and that feeling that you get when you first enter the really hot water and you relax. That's an orgasmic experience for me. In the kinky blueprint, just being turned on by the power dynamics, and being told what to do sometimes is really hot. As you can see, none of those things involve the genitals, and are extremely pleasurable experiences. I personally feel very fed by them.

The shapeshifter shadows... the beauty of the shapeshifter is that they have this superpower that they're easily fluent in the blueprint types. But the shadow of it is that they can also have all of the shadows of all of the blueprints, and so identifying what your shadows are is really, really key if you are a shapeshifter. Shapeshifters are often starving in their own sexuality, because they have the ability to shift in order to please everybody. One of the examples I gave before is if you're a shapeshifter and you have a sexual partner. And all you're doing is having sex in the sexual blueprint, you can really feel like you are starving. Because there's no energetic play, there's no kinky play, there's no room for the sensual. It can be extremely unfulfilling.

Shapeshifters can also judge themselves as too much or too complex or really needy.They can also be judged by others as being too needy, too much or too complex. So then they shut themselves down, and they shapeshift into whatever their partner is in order to please them. Shapeshifters can get really bored if a partner only speaks one blueprint language, like I was saying before. Shapeshifters may also feel really frustrated or confused, because what pleased you yesterday turns you off today. Because they are so ever-changing and inspired and love variety and creativity, their energy is different from one minute to the next, or their sensuality is different from one day to the next. So yeah, they can be very frustrated or confused. I've found a lot of shapeshifters, there are a lot of female shapeshifters out there. It's pretty surprising. It was a really huge revelation. I'm like, no wonder. How many times have we heard, "You're too much," right? "You're too complex. Like, gosh, can't you just be okay with this?"

i'm really curious about the other benefits of learning who you are, and what you and your lover want or need erotically. how does that bleed into other areas?

laurie love

Oh, gosh. It bleeds into all areas of your life. One of the ways that the erotic blueprints really helped me is that, because I had this corporate job where I was highly stressed out and I was in a, quote, unquote, "man's world," I lost my sensuality. I dressed in pants every single day. I didn't dress up, I didn't put makeup on, I didn't do my hair. I didn't try to be pretty or stand out. I was like, "I want people to take me seriously. I want respect." So I completely lost my sensuality, who I was as a feminine embodied being. 

Over the last 10 years, a lot of my focus has been in healing all of my sensual shadows, and expanding into my sensual blueprint. Part of changing careers is allowing me to do that. I now get to explore and I get to play. I wear fun colors. I wear flowy dresses. I appreciate my food. Instead of just scarfing my lunch down, because I only have a half an hour or an hour, and I need to get back to the thing, I now have reverence for my food. I talk to it. I sit with it. I chew multiple times, and by chewing multiple times, that is really good for your digestion. So you can see how all of these things that I mentioned, and I mean that's just the tip of the iceberg, how it really covers all aspects of life. By healing my sensual shadows and not making my partner wrong, his confidence increased. His love for me increased. Because instead of being critical and judgmental and emasculating him, I now am like, "I love my wonderful sexual blueprint man. And I love that you're expanding, and I love how you're showing up for me." I'm able to talk to him in a more positive way that has totally helped our relationship.

As you can see, it helps within relationship and in work, in family. Noticing what your close friends around you, your kids, your parents, as you sit back, you can kind of see the blueprints in these people around you. You can now respond better. You can speak their language. Understand their needs a little bit more. So it really greatly enhances relationships. You might have a sensual friend. So instead of going to the same restaurant and eating the same thing, being more adventurous in the kinds of foods that you're open to. Going to different restaurants, and really taking in and soaking in the experience, the ambiance. Really appreciating stepping into that blueprint, and really appreciating what it has to share and what it has to learn.

For the kinky blueprint, understanding and honoring that each one of us has our taboo, and understanding better, normalizing the conversation around sex. Accepting other people's preferences, and allowing yourself to be a safe space for people to come and be a trustworthy person, really deepens connection on an intimate level, even if you don't have a partner. Being able to hold space for a friend while they are pouring their heart out can be a very healing experience. So you can see how this translates to things way outside of the bedroom, and just makes us more vibrant and robust and resilient people.

As an energetic, if you get shut down very easily, being able to increase your capacity very slowly can help you navigate the world better.

Also advocating for yourself. That is one of the biggest things. Being able to identify how you like to be touched, how you want to be touched. Taking your power back, and really empowering yourself to speak what your needs are. People want to learn about you. I find that my partner wants to know more. He would say to me all the time, "Tell me what you want. Tell me what you want. Tell me what you want." I couldn't, because I didn't know. So now I know, and now he doesn't ask me that question. He might even go into like, "Wow, you're kind of picky right now." And we can laugh about it and go, "Oh, yeah. My sensual shadow's here."

that's amazing. so moving on, i know you love lingerie. i'm wondering how we can incorporate lingerie into our erotic blueprints.

laurie love

Because I love lingerie and already talked about erotic blueprints, I'd love to kind of go through each of them and what that looks like in lingerie. For instance, with the energetic blueprint, energetic lingerie includes things that are very light and flowy and light colored, could even be see-through. Have a very light-textured material, and there's not a lot to it. That can be in the light energetic space. Then there's a dark energetic space. Because the dark energetic is that kind of anticipation, but it's more of like a piercing, engaging, draws you in — and it's kind of like a predatory-prey a little bit. So energetic lingerie could look like a lot of straps, because it kind of borders on the kinky realm. So very strappy, a lot going on, but very light. It can be submissive, but it can also be a little bit of prey.

I'm just going to go into kinky blueprints, since I'm already sort of there. With lingerie, kinky can be anything and everything. I personally have experimented with pieces like chastity belts, and things that look like chastity belts. Things with locks on them, things with hooks or rings that you can hold onto, clip into, be held into, or that can be restrictive. That's a lot of fun. Black leather, that's sort of quintessential, but it can be really any color and any taste.

Then what I think of with the sensual blueprints and lingerie are pieces that are very soft and very colorful. Like deep colors, like deep purples, deep greens, red, dark orange. Things that can be fluffy, feathery, and feathers can also go with the energetic blueprint as well, because they're very light. But things that are contouring touch and very soft, I find that's what my sensual blueprint really loves.

The sexual blueprint could love anything that exposes the genitals or the breasts or the ass crack or the penis. You can see through the lingerie, you can maybe see body parts. It is on display, it's overt, it's in your face. Super tight clothing that is very short and there’s not a lot of it. Then also, sexual blueprints are like, "Fuck the lingerie. We don't need any lingerie." They're like, "How quickly can I get this thing off of you?" So things that are easy to get off!

Because the kinky blueprint would actually love maybe the challenge and the struggle of getting the thing off. Having to unlock it, having to undo it, it being very strappy and complicated and having multiple pieces. And not all of it coming off while the act of sex is happening, because keeping your clothes and your lingerie on can be a lot of fun. Then with the shapeshifter, it's all of the above. It's endless creativity. It's pieced together all of it. Yeah.

body mapping, I'm curious, how is that related to erotic blueprints, if at all?

laurie love

So body mapping, I actually have a really lovely spreadsheet for all of you spreadsheet nerds out there that absolutely love gathering data and information. Body mapping is gathering information on different parts of your body, literally from head to toe, with different types of touch in each of the erotic blueprints. So body mapping is a very involved process that you can do on yourself, or you can do with a partner. You experiment with different kinds of touch. There's a scale that I really love to use and that I recommend. It's the one to five scale.

One is, "I did not like that or I really freaking hated it. Don't ever do it again." That's a one. A two is like, "Meh, I didn't like it, didn't love it." A three is like, "That was okay." A four is, "That was really nice. I really liked that. It was highly pleasurable." And five is, "Oh my gosh. If you keep doing that, I'm going to have an orgasm. Yes, please. More of that." By body mapping, you can notice different parts of your body like different kinds of touch. For instance, if you're a sexual blueprint, yes, you may really love your cock being stroked, and that is a five. But you might also notice that being stroked on the bottom of your feet in a certain way is a four, that's highly pleasurable. Or you might notice that your neck being suckled is a five.

So it's really, really cool no matter what your primary blueprint is that different parts of our bodies like different kinds of touch. So really being able to, really being well versed and well practiced in each of the blueprints and the touches, and then also the language and the words just makes you an expert. All of a sudden, you become an extraordinary lover, and all of these things are skills that you can develop.

I love to share that about three years ago, my partner and I both took the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough Quiz again. My percentages stayed about the same, but his changed. He became a shapeshifter. And that became his primary blueprint. In the last 10 years, because of the energetic expansion he had and he was already pretty high in sensual we met each other in the sensual blueprint and this is the erotic blueprint we used to start connecting with each other more deeply. We started talking about all the things that we really love and enjoy when it comes to the five senses. So we started with sensual touch. We went to food. We started talking about the things in the world that we appreciate, the beauty that we see around us. We started surrounding ourselves with more fluffy blankets. We bought a nice fur rug to have sex on. And he developed his kinky rope skills more. We started going to kinky events. We bought floggers. So he was able to expand in all of these different ways. So it's fun and it's possible to expand! He definitely loves it all and he wants more of it. I don't think of myself as a shapeshifter because I'm definitely like I tap out. I tap out at a certain point. So I have some shapeshifter in me, but only when my energetic has capacity to be able to deal with her!

in terms of body mapping, how can we incorporate some lingerie into that experience, or that learning?

laurie love

Oh, yes. Body mapping with lingerie. Being very curious. As you first look at things, noticing what blueprint does it draw your attention to? I find that body mapping can start before your body even gets touched, because that's part of the energetic blueprint. It's also part of the sensual blueprint. So what part of this lingerie is turning me on right now? What is it? Is it the color? Is it the shape? Is it the design? Then as you put it on and as you embody it, having it be like a meditative practice. It's not, we're just throwing clothes on and then we're going to get to it. Right? That's the sexual blueprint.

Really taking your time and feeling the material, feeling the fabric, exploring how things get put together, how things hook together, how you put it on. Then taking your time in putting it on. How does that feel on your skin? How does your body respond to the material? Is it more pleasurable to feel like the tightness around your waist, or does it feel really nice to have your breasts pushed up and held? So really just noticing every aspect of your body, and where the lingerie is on your body, and how your body reacts to it. I would say that is the body mapping with the lingerie.

then just the last question, what can someone expect to experience after working with you?

laurie love

What can they expect to experience? A more expanded sex life. A more compassionate and understanding existence with others, with themselves especially. A deeper level of appreciation for who they are and who their partners, their current partners, or even future partners may be. They can expect to have a lot more fun in their sex life. They can expect to have a lot more fun in just waking world life in general. They can have more fun in their dating life. Because one thing that I highly recommend doing for dating profiles is to ask people what their erotic blueprints are, and have them go and take the quiz!

Because you get so much information from knowing what your blueprints are, and what other people's blueprints are. It's fantastic. It is mind blowing how introspective, how creative it is, and how it takes the guesswork out. You can also get really curious. You can expect to expand. Because there is so much curiosity and adventure and transformation, you can expect to have a completely different life.

I offer a complimentary passionate possibilities call. The conversation usually lasts anywhere from an hour to two hours. It's a very deep and comprehensive call. Where it's a guided conversation in what you are struggling with, what you would really like, and what are ways to get there, an action plan going forward, and how I can support you.

Because I always want people to receive what they need, if they have a specific desire or trauma or healing that needs to happen, I have a plethora of erotic blueprint coaches and experts that can help on every level. So I'm happy to be a resource for people as well.

Do you know your erotic blueprint?