how to serve those queen confidence vibes aka don't fvck w/ me sweetie

Whether you’re trying to ward off an unwanted advance, send the message you mean business or simply get taken more seriously in whatever realm you’re playing in, try these tricks to feel more confident in your body and set that “don’t fuck with me” tone that gets you what you want (or helps you avoid people or situations you don’t). Confidence begets more confidence, which ultimately begets a lot of juicy living because you're stronger, more resilient, more fearless, more following your True North. Can we get a fuck yeah?

xxx

Adjust your posture aka your power pose

How you sit, stand and hold yourself sends a message so make sure it’s the message you want — I’m strong, I’m confident, I’m capable, I’ve got my shit together.  

Master your walk

Your walk signals how confident you feel. Moving with purpose and poise shows you feel secure and comfortable in your body… and you’re going places, so interrupt only if it’s necessary. 

Revel in the silence

 If someone’s trying to engage you and you’re not into, don’t fill in the silent gaps. Same holds true for meetings, negotiations or discussions where you need the other party to step up their game.  

Have a POV, even if it’s different than theirs

Know what you want, like, desire, crave, be ready to articulate it and don’t cave if you’re challenge. Conflict, disagreement and differing POVs can expand you so listen, learn, agree to disagree if necessary. 

Be direct, honest, authentic.  

Your opinion matters, share it. Tackle awkward, uncomfortable issues head on so they don’t linger and the more truthful you are, the better. 

Hold their gaze. 

Eye contact is key and instantly sends that  “I feel confident in my body” message. Bonus points if you take this tip from the streets to your sheets. 

Forget that nice-girl smile. 

We’re not saying don’t be friendly but if you’re looking to be taken seriously, smiling won’t always get you there. It can be mistaken for nervousness, being overly agreeable, weak, etc.  

Be clear about your needs sans justification. 

You can tell someone ‘no’ without giving them a massive explanation or reasoning. The more you justify your actions, the more people think it’s a negotiation. Stand firm, feel confident.

Lose the self-deprecation. 

You may think you’re being humble or breaking the ice, but self-deprecating humor can be seen as weak, especially at work. It’s that “people tell you who they are” mentality. 

Own your work, your accomplishments, your success.  

It’s not arrogant or bragging to take credit for what you’ve done on the job. Own it. When you make yourself small, there's no room left to feel confident.

Ask questions.  

Instead of being worried that you’ll look like you won’t know something, feel confident that in gathering clarity, you're opening up dialogue, IDing opportunities for clearer communication or interrogating ideas to make them better.

Practice. 

Confidence is a skill. Practice hyping yourself in the mirror. Trade 'bragging' sessions with a bestie (that's a Mama Gena tactic) so you get used to taking ownership of accomplishments and help other queens stand in the spotlight, too.

Flirt with yourself. 

Sex and intimacy coach Laurie Love winks at herself whenever she catches her reflection in the mirror, a reminder that she's the shit. A little wink and a smile, she says, is an instant mood makeover and a quick way to give yourself a boost of confidence.

Hype up someone else. 

Queens aren't afraid to share the spotlight and boosting someone else's power is a sexy way to show yourself what a star you really are.

Squeeze the juice out of life. 

If you don't know what thrills you, it's up to you to explore the possibilities. The more you experience what has to offer, the more you expand your pleasures, desires, likes, dislikes and possibilities, which in turns grows your confidence.

Compare yourself to you, not them. 

Comparing your journey to someone else's is a fast-track to self-judgment and negative self-talk. Instead, focus on who you are, what you're proud of and where you're going. When you keep your vision alive, it doesn't matter what anyone else is up to.

Leverage your skills. 

Are you confident in a certain area? Have you mastered a skill? Whether you're a financial genius, an amazing conversationalist or have a masterful dirty talk game, how can you take that one skill and use it in other areas where you feel less secure? Even just reminding yourself of your mojo in one area can help you take that energy into something where you're still learning.

Own your hot takes + unpopular opinions. 

We all have them. What's yours?