how to stay your sexy, juicy self when you have kids (starting with an orgasmic birth)

A lot of people accept that once they have kids, their sex life will stop being a priority. Fortunately that doesn't have to be the case, because parenthood can actually be a jumping-off point to rediscover your body and take your sex life to a luscious new level.  Parenthood and sex are not in opposition — after all, babies are made through sex! And while you may need some time to recover from childbirth, even that period can offer you new ways to experience pleasure. Check out these 5 ways to stay the deliciously sexual being you are as you transition to parenthood.

1. Prepare in advance 

If you've not yet given birth, you have an opportunity to create a birth plan that will set the stage for an amazing sex life afterward. Experiencing an orgasmic birth does not necessarily mean orgasming during childbirth; it means incorporating pleasure, sensuality and surrender into your childbirth experience. Think about what kind of birth will leave you feeling empowered and satisfied. While not everyone can afford to give birth at home or in another peaceful setting, you can consider hiring a doula to advocate for you and incorporate music, aromatherapy, meditation and other sensual elements to add pleasure to the experience. Some people even masturbate during childbirth; get the how-to and more from Orgasmic Birth (Rodale Books, 2010). 

2. Take the focus off penetration 

It’s normal to experience some soreness with penetration right after childbirth, and I highly recommend seeing a pelvic floor physical therapist to help you recover. However, this doesn't mean the end of your sex life. Quite the opposite actually. Consider incorporating full-body pleasure, focusing on clitoral stimulation and exploring new types of orgasms like touch-free orgasms and nipple-gasms. Exchange erotic massages with your partner without any pressure on penetration or orgasm. 

3. Get serious about date nights 

When you’re busy with kids, sexy time may be something you have to schedule, and that’s okay! However often you can, have someone look after your kids for the night and take the opportunity to transition out of parent mode and into sexy mode. Your mind might need a specific cue to make this transition: For instance, put on some lingerie, take a bath with your partner or light some candles. If you can make a whole date night out of it, even better — but the goal is really just to connect sensually and intimately with your partner (or yourself).

4. Treat your body like a new body

Pregnancy and childbirth can actually change the positioning of your pelvic nerves, which is likely why some people report squirting, orgasming through penetration and doing all sorts of sexual things for the first time after childbirth. Pretty cool! So, view sex and masturbation as opportunities to explore and discover a whole new body. If you feel self-conscious about the changes your body has gone through, remember that when your partner sees your body, they see you, the whole person, including the beautiful experiences you’ve shared and the amazing things it’s done (like pushed out a baby). 

5. Embrace the sexy parent identity 

Whether you’re a MILF, a DILF or a PILF (Parent I’d Like to Fuck), own this. If you struggle to reconcile your parent identity and your sexual identity, this is a way to put them together. You are both. You’re a PILF. Consume porn and erotica around this theme if it helps you get into that mindset. Play with the trope of the exhausted parent by telling your partner they’d might as well just take advantage of you since you can’t move an inch. Be fun and playful and have a sense of humor, and you just might discover that being a parent and having amazing sex meld beautifully.