mercury is in retrograde: 15 analog ways to get your fuck on
fuck mercury in retrograde with these tips
Yeah, we live in a sex-tech world, but there are a fuck-ton of old-school, analog ways to flirt (and fuck) without devices. No, seriously. No sexy DMs. No porn. No video playtime. Just you, your partner, your IRL reality. We've listed a bunch of ideas below so whether or not Mercury is destroying your digital life, it has zero hold on your inner freak between the sheets. Enjoy and comment below with your fave, digital-free ways to play.
1. Book some spa time. Most spas offer their non-treatment rooms to book for couples to share time together in common areas like salt caves, steam rooms, saunas, cold plunges, jacuzzis and clay rooms. Spend a couple of hours detoxing from the outside world and reconnect with each other.
2 .Take a long leisurely walk in nature. And truly talk to each other. Bonus points if you can find a secret spot for a quickie under the sky.
3. Write a love letter. WIth an actual pen. Tell them why they make your heart flutter and your skin tingle. And if you're game, add some details about how you're planning to thank them in bed. Pro tip: spray your signature scent on the envelope.
4. Make a love-based, CBD-laced menu of aphrodisiac foods.
This will both help you connect with each other and lower your inhibitions. We love Fruit & Flower’s recipes which are professionally crafted with just the right amount of cannabis to keep you in the mood, not face down in the couch (unless that’s your fave position).
5. Take a road trip. Get your hands on an old-school map, pack the car, spin the bottle, and take off in whatever direction fate takes you. Stop off in the sexiest (or seediest) looking hotel you find along the way. Discover the unknown, together.
butterfly waist cincher + boa panty model: skye blue 📸: @colettepark
6. Play dress up. Leave pieces of lingerie around the house and let them pick what they want you to wear. They get to dress you up, then you get to peel off the layers when and house you like. Lingerie fashion show, anyone?
7. Try filter-free gazing. Ditch the selfie stick and the filters and the lenses we all tend to see each other through and spend some time — an hour, an afternoon, a night gazing at each other, skin on skin. Start with the eyes (the window to your soul) then move to cock and/or pussy gazing. Show them what you see with your words or even just your gaze so they can see their beauty through your eyes.
8. Thank them for something new. Yes, we know we should all be grateful for our partners, we should all be making gratitude lists and studies show communicating gratitude aloud to our partners at the end of the day deepens intimacy and connection. Still it’s easy to be on autopilot. This time, tell your partner 5 things you’re grateful for that you’ve never thanked them for in the past. The coffee they brewed this a.m., the way they stopped to listen when you had an anxious moment, how they held you to a higher standard when you fell off course… whatever their “it” is, show them the love.
9. Make plans the old-school way.
Call them. (At work, ideally.) Play around beforehand and discover your sexiest phone voice and ask them out on a date like you’re the most mysterious, sexiest stranger. Tell them where to be and when. And show up dressed to kill. Bonus points if you wear a mask. Make the whole evening into a cliffhanger.
10. Book a stay-cation. Sleep in, rent bikes, explore a new gallery, new coffee shop, new cocktail spot. Grab food and a blanket then head to a park or beach. Throw a frisbee or toss a football. Stop at a local bookstore, pick up some erotica. This all-day discovery sets you up for all-night discovery later. (It’s vacation after all, so fuck the rules.)
11. Get all 50 Shades of Grey or old-school 9 1/2 Weeks on them. Hire yourself out for the day as their, um, personal ASSistant. Deliver the mail in your teeth. Deliver the coffee in a corset. Take notes in a sexy, second-skin dress. Make it up as you go…
12. Create a sexual scavenger hunt. Hide naughty notes around the house with things you’re going to do to each other — each sushi off their body, spank them when they’re bad, lick champagne off their skin, impromptu fellatio or cunnilingus. As the day progresses, find the notes and incorporate them into your agenda.
13. Plan a strip day that lasts all day. Starting in the morning (with as many layers as you can because you are going to teeeeeeease this one out), drive them nuts over the course of the day, and vice versa, until the last layer is removed just in time for bed time…. Which may or may not be after the sun goes down…. (Need sensual, sexual playlists? We got them.)
14. Make a sex bucket list. Literally. Get a champagne bucket (with champagne, obviously) and fill it with all your naughtiest and nicest desires. Write them on a piece of paper, fold it, seal it, kiss it, kiss each other, and drop it in the bucket. And pour another drop of bubbly. Pull out a desire or save them for your next rainy day.
15. Find a new sex position. Here are 12 sexy positions based on our lingerie.
How you dealing with mercury in retrograde?