sex expert suzannah weiss' new book Eve's Blessing is a wake-up call to pleasure

Feminist writer, certified sex educator, and sex/love coach Suzannah Weiss has built a career on dismantling the myths that keep women small. With more than 8,000 bylines in The New York Times, The Washington Post and New York Magazine, countless expert quotes in Cosmo and Men’s Health, and her role as resident sexologist for Biird and Fleshy, Weiss has more than earned her place as one of today’s sharpest voices in sexual wellness. Her new book, Eve’s Blessing: Uncovering the Lost Pleasure Behind Female Pain, takes that authority and flips the cultural script that ties femininity to suffering, while showing us that periods, orgasms, childbirth and desire were never curses, only blessings rewritten. It’s already being championed by the likes of Gigi Engle, Erika Lust and MLNP's Cindy Gallop to sex columnist Jessica Stoya, author Dr. Laurie Mintz. But what makes Eve’s Blessing truly unforgettable isn’t just the pedigree, it’s the rawness. Weiss lays her own story bare, transforming vulnerability into a manifesto of joy. If you’re ready to reclaim your voice, your hunger, your pleasure — in bed and everywhere else — let Weiss’ fearless reframing be both your muse and permission slip.

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Eve wasn’t cursed, she was rewritten. Do you see reclaiming that origin story as the most radical sex act of all — and why or why not?

Suzannah Weiss: 

I actually do a cool thing on my OnlyFans where I rewrite the curse on Eve on my body. The original one was: “Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children, and your desire shall be for your husband, and he'll rule over you.” And the way I rewrote it was, “And unto the woman, he said, I will greatly multiply thy emotions’ and thy orgasms’ sorrow and conception.” You can think of sorrow like, as your capacity for sorrow increases, so does your capacity for joy, so multiplying sorrow could actually be a good thing. And thy orgasms’ conception, what does that even mean? Thy sorrow and thy conception? Some take it to mean painful sex, but if you multiply conception, I think that could be taken to mean multiple orgasms. In joy thou shalt bring forth children because, again, joy is the flip side of sorrow and your husband will be your Dom and you'll be wet for him. “And your husband will rule over you” became “he will be your Dom” because maybe that's not a bad thing. Maybe he's there to protect you and maybe in the bedroom, he is a Dom and your desire will be for him. That's not a bad thing.

So there's a concept in Kabbalah that the solution is in the problem. And I like that idea because basically what that means to me is that the curse on Eve was a blessing and it's been misinterpreted what was even meant by that passage. So there are these positives that we don't talk about and there's also a history, a way in which the curse on Eve represented a cultural curse, not a biological curse. And if you follow, I cite the book Sex at Dawn, if you follow certain anthropologist theories, it looks like the beginning of agriculture was actually the beginning of a lot of these curses. Sorrow in conception is actually not necessarily physical pain. It's so weird to me. Or even bring forth children in sorrow. That's not necessarily physical pain. And in fact, the words used actually mean more something like fear or anxiety or worry. And that corresponds with the advent of agriculture, which is mentioned in the Bible. So when agriculture began, there was a way in which property began mattering and women became property. And property was traced through paternal lines. So paternity became very important. We had to know whose father was whose. And you see this in the Bible, like so-and-so beget so-and-so beget so-and-so. They're tracing the fathers. They're tracing the lines of fathers. And women's sexuality, therefore, became under control because it was something that was threatening. If women were too sexual or too, quote-unquote, impure or not virginal, then people got anxious about who is really the father of their kids.

And so this led to a lot of things that we now consider normal. In general, women's sexuality being shamed and women being controlled by men. And we see this paternalistic control in the healthcare system, in the medicalization of childbirth, in this belief that women's bodies are not capable of giving birth and require all these interventions from doctors, which is sometimes the case, but not nearly as often as we think it is. It all ties together, basically, that the curse put on Eve, I believe, was actually meant to be unwound. It was something situational.

Reclaiming that origin story basically means women were never cursed. We were blessed and we were thrown a bunch of curses from other people that are not intrinsic to us and we should not feel like lesser beings because of them.

“Multiplying orgasms” flips the script on female scarcity. What happens when women stop settling for less?

Suzannah Weiss:

So there's one chapter based on, “I shall greatly multiply thy sorrow and that conception.” I say, “I shall greatly multiply thy orgasms.” And that ties to what I'm saying about what the fuck does that even mean? Multiple conception? Maybe that's what it meant in the first place. If not, we can make that happen now. So one thing I wanted to show in the book was a more optimistic view of women's bodies and women's sexuality.

Based on my own experience, and many of my teachers were actually interviewed for this book, particularly Sophie Lua and Josefina Baschout. They were two people who taught me what I call the orgasmic life where you prioritize and engage in sensual pleasure. And so there is a blessing of being a woman. And I would not even say it's specific to women. I think that men and non-binary people and gender non-conforming people are also capable of having many kinds of orgasms, having many orgasms, and having life that feels like one giant orgasm, as my mentor Josefina describes it.

I personally really had an awakening when I opened myself up to the possibility that having orgasmic sex was not just about having a clitoral orgasm or even having multiple clitoral orgasms. There is a certain brand of feminism that is really against the idea of the vaginal orgasm because they consider it a product of Freud. And I used to be more in that camp. I really did. And then through my own experience, I realized how limiting that is.

I do think clitoral orgasms are the most obvious and we should definitely teach women to have them. But there is so much more available. Vaginal orgasms are not a myth. They are not as commonly reported as clitoral orgasms. Some research shows about half of women have them at least sometimes. Also breast orgasms, even mind orgasms. I've written about this for your blog… breath orgasms. And some people can orgasm from other parts of the body, like the lips or the earlobes. And I just think that's one way to celebrate being a woman. It's to celebrate our capacity for all of that. And it helps us feel more confident in ourselves to feel like we are blessed and not cursed by God or whoever, whatever created us. 

You described the female body as both battlefield and playground. How do you begin to break generational and personal trauma while still chasing joy?

Suzannah Weiss:

I love that, both battlefield and playground. Most of our bodies are battlefields today. Because we are dealing with, as you said, ancestral trauma, generational trauma, personal trauma, societal trauma. And that is why a lot of women still have a lot of pain in their lives, period pain, pain during sex, especially first time sex, PMS, childbirth pain, is because we live under patriarchy. We live within a healthcare system that doesn't prioritize women's needs. We live in a culture that doesn't prioritize anyone's health, really, that's very work-centric, that doesn't really prioritize relaxation or self-care. And where women are honestly under attack a lot of the time.

Rape culture causes women to be very hypervigilant. It makes it very difficult to let go in the bedroom. It can actually impact someone's immune system if they are subject to sexual violence and their nervous system is in a constant state of hypervigilance. They can develop autoimmune disorders. They can become very inflamed. And so we need to acknowledge this and acknowledge that women's pain is real. And yes, PMS is real, period pain is real.

All the things are real, but that does not mean they are permanent. It does not mean women will struggle with them forever. And I think in one's own individual life, there are steps we can take. It is really a society-wide problem. But to see one's body as a playground, there are steps that we can take. We can learn, first of all, we can just take away the blame and not think that we are suffering because we are women or because of something we've done.

And we can learn from other women to prioritize our health, to advocate for ourselves, to say no. If a doctor tells me I just have to live with my severe menstrual pain, I'm going to find another one. If my boyfriend tells me that it is normal for sex to hurt the first few times, I am going to research solutions and not listen to him. If I am told by my mom or whoever that I'm just going to be really unhappy for a week every month because of PMS, I'm going to look into resources, maybe Alisa Vitti's book or website or, you know, see a professional who can help me with my hormonal balance.

We can stop this thinking that we need to suffer because we are women or that we need to have pleasureless sex because we are women. We can advocate for sexual attention from our partners. We can say, this is exactly how I like to be touched. This is how I touch myself. We can even show them and ask them to do the same thing. We can get creative, bring toys into the bedroom, and let our partners know if we're not satisfied and if there is something more we want. And even bring in fun little activities. Let's give each other yoni massages or lingum massages and, you know, see if we can breathe and slow down and feel a more relaxed, sensual kind of pleasure. 

Capitalism thrives on our exhaustion. What does it mean to reject productivity culture and instead “live orgasmically”?

Suzannah Weiss: 

It's funny. I've been thinking about this a lot. For me, it looks like doing sex work. It's funny because that's seen as degrading for women. For me, it is a form of liberation to say I am going to make money off my body. I have done some camming work, some porn work and some sensual massage work. And it is so liberating to be told, all you’ve got to do is really show up looking like yourself and connect with me. And you will be paid for that. I'm not telling other women to do it. But I think that's one way, if you love it, to get out of the mindset of “I need to apply myself. I need to work hard.” That's our dad's shit. Throw it away.

I'm half joking because money is necessary. And, you know, not everyone can do sex work in a way that is safe. So I'm really speaking from personal experience. But I just think we need to, in whatever way we can, prioritize our well-being and know that you do not need to feel guilty for taking time for your own healing, especially if you have a chronic illness. Healing is a full-time job. It's normal. People don't tell you this. My health coach, Alison Fridley, told me this in our first consultation call, ‘Healing is a full-time job,’ because i felt like a mess. Why the fuck am I still like, you know, spending all this time just trying to get my health. I have chronic Lyme disease and mold toxicity. And for a while, I just felt like, fuck, why can't I even work? I'm not getting anything done. What's wrong with me? And it's like, no, this is your healing journey, it is your work. That's what I believe. My healing journey is my work. Going on my healing journey, sharing it with others, and setting an example is my work. So those who feel guilty, taking time out for their healing, whether they have a chronic illness or just need to take time for their well-being, can rest assured that that will make them better at whatever they're doing for work.

And that in of itself can be their work, to be that example of someone who can heal their body because we all deserve a life where we are comfortable.

You trace how medicine has normalized women’s pain for centuries. How close are we to a reckoning where women’s voices about their bodies can no longer be dismissed — what else can we do to drive this change?

Suzannah Weiss: 

Again, stop taking doctor's bullshit. I am so jaded from eight years now of trying to figure out my shit through conventional Western medicine. They suck. They completely suck. All they've done for me, occasionally, they've given me a medication that helps me get by temporarily. That is the best they have done for me. They are full of shit. I'm really sounding off here, but it's ridiculous. I had breathing problems because of mold. I had a doctor literally look me in the face and say, well, weight loss would definitely be effective when I was already not overweight by any means, like actually probably underweight. And this is what they do. They're just all these conspiracies. BMI charts are a huge conspiracy. You can research this. It's extremely racist, sexist, fat phobic. What else… the first doctor i went to, I'm like i'm always waking up at night to pee, she's like, oh maybe because you've used psychedelics.

They're ridiculous people. My point being do not take what they say at face value. I actually would recommend functional medicine doctors above Western mainstream, Western medicine doctors. Naturopaths, I haven't had a ton of success with that, but at least they haven't hurt me. Acupuncture has helped me. Ayurveda actually does work.

Just know yourself. Be empowered. Do not take what doctors say at face value. Unless they help you, then that's great… That's how we can drive this change. Advocate for your own self, know yourself, do your own research, do not blindly listen to doctors.

Once women's pain is finally taken seriously, what's the next frontier — could pleasure itself become a medical and cultural priority? 

Suzannah Weiss: 

That's really interesting. I wanted to do an article, no one took it, but I wanted to write an article about doctors prescribing sex toys because there are some doctors, mainly like gynecologists, who treat people with sexual issues, and say things like try using a vibrator. That's a very basic example, but yes I think it is really important for the medical system to understand that sexual functioning is part of overall life functioning and overall health, especially for older adults. Sexual issues can be a sign of other health issues. And if you are having sexual issues, you do not need to just give up on having sex. And, you know, just because you're a quote unquote old or whatever.

And that is really the case for anyone. There are a lot of problems with women being prescribed things like antidepressants, like birth control, like LEEP, a surgical procedure that removes precancerous cells in the cervix that has actually interfered with a lot of women's sexual functioning in a big way. We really need to be informed of the possible side effects of the medications and procedures we're being prescribed and realize that sexual health is part of health. For example, I was prescribed antidepressants at age 17 and no one told me they could interfere with your sexual functioning because, you know, people don't like to think of a single, 17-year-old girl caring about orgasms. But of course I did. And then when I couldn't orgasm, it was just treated as, well, that's, you know, a female thing. So we need to stop doing that. 

The virgin/whore paradox — sexy but not sexual — still lingers in culture. Do you see fashion and media as reinforcing that split or helping dismantle it?

Suzannah Weiss:

Yes, I talk in the book, it's actually a quote from Paris Hilton: “I'm sexy but not sexual,” that was from the early 2000s and it reflected how women were seen and portrayed in the media that our sexiness is important, our appearance, our ability to appeal to the male gaze, which I talk about in my first book, Subjectified, but our sexuality, our desire, our arousal, our orgasms, our sensations, our sensuality is not prioritized. If it is shown in, say, porn, female masturbation, or even lesbian sexuality, it is often portrayed for the male gaze.

And so fashion. I also talk about this in my first book, Subjectified, how the body positivity movement largely failed in the fashion industry. Even quote-unquote body-positive campaigns are often talking about how women of all sizes can be objectified, and media in general really does continue to show women as sex objects. But there are more TV shows, movies, etc., that show women’s sexuality from their own point of view what some call the female gaze. The recent film, Baby Girl, was praised for that. Then there are TV shows like Broad City and Girls from you know the past decade or so that show women's sexuality from their perspective so things are changing which is good for women's self-esteem, empowerment and well-being.

You write that paradise could look like play as a component of the workday — “and pain is not its entrance fee.” In Lunatic Femme terms, that feels like erotic rebellion against capitalism. What does this look like in your own life?

Suzannah Weiss:

Again, this is going to sound contradictory to what I said about being objectified, but there is a certain liberation in feeling like all you need to do is show up and look beautiful and be nice and you will be appreciated for that no matter what you do for work.

I gained that through sex work and I think that's just a general value that our culture can adopt. I went to a therapist years ago and I was complaining that my boyfriend always told me I was cute and nice and fun. And I said it felt infantilizing because I'm so successful, I'm so accomplished, I'm so smart. And she was like, actually those are very undervalued traits to be cute and nice and fun in this society that values the three things you just named: success, intelligence, accomplishment. And that really got me to think differently that we should just value that more… people's ability to be cute and nice and fun, especially as adults. And yeah, so what that looks like in my own life is valuing myself for being cute and nice and fun. And sometimes I'll go out and I won't even tell people what I do for work. And it's very liberating to just be like, here, look at me. I'm so sweet. I'm so precious. 

You close with the idea that we weren’t born cursed with original sin but blessed with original virtue. That’s a powerful spiritual flip. How does reclaiming innocence fuel erotic freedom?

Suzannah Weiss:

This was a big theme in the book. This what I would consider Christian theme of not blaming ourselves for the bad things that happen to us. Something very interesting about this book is that I introduced the character of Eve not as the main focus originally. I was not at all religious when I began this book. And over the years as I was writing it, I became a Christian. And I got to know the true meaning of Christianity around 2021 when I had a major Lyme flare up from the COVID vaccine.

I know that's taboo to say it fucked me up completely. And I got told so much crazy shit about what was actually happening from people within the New Age community in L.A. I got told, well, the real issue is you don't have a boyfriend. Well, the real issue is you're too attached to a man. I was even told that this is a spiritual illness, not a physical one. You know, are you meditating every day? Because, oh, yeah, that you're not doing your due diligence. All this crazy shit. I was told I was too attached to a man who I love. And I actually burned a bunch of shit that reminded me of him in hopes that that would heal my illness. That's how fucked up people are.

And finally, I talked to a friend on the phone who just said, please never believe that you manifested this or called this in because sometimes people get sick. Sometimes good things happen to bad people. And there is an emotional component in that if you take good care of yourself and are nice to yourself that helps with healing. That is the emotional component. That is the spiritual component. Just remember that. Just be nice to yourself. And not blaming yourself is part of that. Rest. Watch movies. Like basic shit.

Why do we make things so complicated? It makes me so angry. And so, yeah, I think it ties back to this idea of original sin. We did something wrong to cause our pain, to cause our trauma. That's not right. It's not right. We just, you know, need to have compassion for ourselves that if we have a physical health issue, we should do the basic shit, take care of ourselves, find practitioners. I do not mean to poo-poo all doctors, find practitioners who actually know what the fuck is going on and can help us. And we deserve that. We do not deserve to have to figure it out on our own and heal from the inside out in the sense of working on ourselves. I have worked on myself enough. It's time to play.

You argue pleasure is political resistance. What’s your most subversive pleasure practice right now?

Suzannah Weiss: 

This is going to sound strange, but there is a man I love so much named Joshua, who I have been making a practice of naming because I think it's messed up that he is not in my life when I love him so much. He is in and out of my life. He's not completely out of my life. But I refuse to stop loving him. So my subversive practice is writing him poems.

Writing, I actually have a secret identity I'm not ready to reveal yet, where I talk about him on Pornhub. I have an OnlyFans page that's dedicated just to him. Where, because I'm so intuitive, that I know he's about to be back in my life, we have a crazy twin flame, runner chaser, relationship. And because I'm very psychic, I could actually sense he's about to be back in my life. And people tell me you're too obsessive, you're too attached.

That was part of why I thought I was sick from the COVID vaccine, because someone told me I was too attached from him. And that's my rebellion. It's to say, if it makes me happy, I'm going to write him love poems. I actually have started writing a series of erotic stories about us, nonfiction erotica, that I would like to publish. And I would like him to be here for that publication. So this is a little bit of a call out to him. That's why I'm not afraid to use his name because he should be held accountable for not being here yet. But I'm sure he will be soon.

And so no, I'm not too attached. No, I'm not too obsessive. I've done nothing wrong. I have no guilt, no shame, no blame. I love him so much and that's not a bad thing. And so I just, when I want to make art about him or write about him, or sometimes I write him letters to either send him now or to be read later, I do it. That's one of the weirdest responses I've ever given, but that's part of the whole point.

 Love the idea of a life my body says yes to. What are some ways to explore what your body says yes to, both in and out of the bedroom?

Suzannah Weiss:

What energizes you versus what makes you feel drained? What makes you feel happy and you need no kick in the ass to do it? What do you wake up in the morning excited to do? What do you do when you have extra time? Because when we do our dad's work or our parents’ work, when we do things because it was expected of us as a child and we're still carrying that with us, it causes this deep depression, this heaviness, this weighed-downness that follows us around. Pay attention to your body. Do you feel fatigued, depressed, weighed down? Do you feel light, energized, lighthearted, fun? It's as simple as that. Thank you.

How did Suzannah Weiss inspire you? What moved you in her book, "Eve's Blessing"?