turn sexual empowerment into personal power: interview with sex coach laurie love

Sexual, sensual, and creative power looks good on you — and it feels even yummier. In this high-voltage conversation with sex, intimacy and erotic blueprint coach Laurie Love — protégé of award-winning sexologist Jaiya and now a newly minted Domme under the mentorship of Dr. Damiana Chi, PhD — we dive into the art of sexual empowerment, not as a buzzword, but as a fully embodied lifestyle.

For those already fluent in desire, this is about refinement i.e. learning to channel your turn-on into creative fuel, magnetic presence and unapologetic self-love, self-advocacy and self-fulfillment. At Lunatic Femme, our erotic high fashion is crafted with this mindset in mind — it's for the one who knows what she wants, how she likes it and why pleasure is her power.

Love offers a deeply personal, radically practical take on what it means to feel erotically alive... and how that erotic confidence can ripple into every area of your life, from career to self-worth to financial power. Whether you’re navigating the energetic nuances of the erotic blueprints or just ready to speak your desires out loud, Laurie’s wisdom is a masterclass in getting everything you want, how you want it.

Read on and learn to leverage your own personal power. Want more 1:1 insight? Book a complimentary discovery call with her genius.

xxx

how do our feelings around power — whether we feel powerful or powerless — move between the outside world and the bedroom?

laurie love, sex coach

When it comes to the outside world, our relationship to power is really shaped by our roles, our identities, our experiences, and also a lot of social conditioning. These dynamics can influence how we feel, if we feel safe or open or assertive. In the bedroom, I've seen power dynamics shift in the sense of feeling really powerful, really successful at work, and then not feeling so successful in the bedroom. Knowing, okay, I know how to handle this job, I know how to do this work, I'm very experienced and well-versed in it. And then in the bedroom being like, "Oh my gosh, I'm really not educated. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't have confidence, I don't have experience. I’m doing this wrong." All of these dynamics that we feel, all the things that we tell ourselves are really important. And practice is really key.

There are things that we can take from our professional lives and bring them into the bedroom, like getting really curious about what it is that we want or what it is that our partner wants, and prioritizing pleasure. We have our list of priorities at work, all the things on the to-do list. Instead of having a to-do list in the bedroom, we can simply prioritize pleasure and get really curious about what pleasure we desire. What would feel really great in this moment? What do I really need right now? What am I desiring from myself? What am I desiring from my partner? When we feel really powerful, we advocate for ourselves. We speak up. When we're feeling powerless, we kind of just go with the flow and we allow other people to control where things go.

A personal experience that I've had with this is when we talked about the energetic blueprint last time and some of the qualities related to that erotic blueprint type. When it comes to energy, as energetic beings, we can get really caught up in other people's energy. We can get really caught up in people-pleasing and wanting to just go where the energy flows. And so personally, what that looked like is basically not tuning into myself and saying, "What is it that I really want from my sex life right now?" And it looked like going through the motions of what we always do, what works for us, or what works for him. And so really bringing the power back into myself has totally transformed how my sexual relationship is and the dynamics of it going forward. I speak up for myself, I advocate for myself, I check in with my body. I really ask myself what it is that I need, and then I practice speaking up. I practice asking for those things in a kind, loving, and sexy way. I practice using my voice instead of staying silent and hoping my partner will know what to do or read my mind.

I love that you said how you speak to yourself is really important. When we’ve spoken in the past, you said you thought something was wrong with you because you weren't feeling pleasure, but once you learned more about what your body likes, you learned to speak up more, you learned that it's not a you thing, and you can change the dynamics that you're currently experiencing.

laurie love

Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with me. I was telling myself, all those years, "There's something wrong with me. I'm having a hard time orgasming. Why don't I orgasm the way that other people orgasm?" That self-talk programs us to reinforce those feelings; “there's something wrong with me, I'm not good enough, it needs to be a different way”. And by looking at ourselves with a different lens and reprogramming the thoughts to “What is it that I really want? Who am I as an erotic being? What's really important to me?” Telling myself that there's nothing wrong with me, I'm not broken and I don't need fixing. And really tuning in and paying attention to what I like, learning what I like. Trying out different things and realizing, "Oh, yes, I liked this. I didn't like this, and that's okay." So it's getting really curious about ourselves and trying new things. And not beating ourselves up over trying something new and not liking it. Having the mindset that “it's all information” that we can then use to be more discerning and really get to know ourselves better.

with so many discussions around body autonomy and women’s power to act on our bodies, what are some ways to cultivate feelings of power?

laurie love

So a few of the really big ways that we can cultivate feelings of power is through self-love. Complete acceptance of our bodies, I feel, is number one. I've had this practice that I've done ever since I was little, and I never really knew why I did it, and I'm so happy that I did, is that every time I look at myself in the mirror, I wink at myself. I smile and, visually with my eyes, tell myself how much I love myself and how cool I am and how special I am. And so that self-acknowledgement and that self-love has always been there — coming from my truest essence inside, even if I'm not feeling confident or things aren't going my way or I'm having a shitty day — knowing that I have my own back always. It helps. It can help direct my attention and my focus and my thoughts.

And why this is so important? Why is the self-love piece is so important? Not needing anyone else to make us feel whole or complete or pretty or sexy; it’s really filling our own cup and being like, "I freaking love myself. And I am the most important person on this planet." Really staying away from judgment, self-judgment, self-criticism and comparison with other people and being like, "I'm the whole package. I'm the shit. I'm the bomb." And I don't really like the saying, "Fake it till you make it." 

But there is some truth in positive affirmations and affirming what it is that you want or how you want to feel. And if you're in a really dark place, that could just look like I want out of this dark place. It doesn't necessarily need to mean, "I want to be the happiest person in the world." It can be like, "I just want to take one step out of this darkness."

I’m imagining you walking up to a mirror and you're in one state, and then look at yourself, wink and smile and then you're in another state of being. That seems, to me, amazing.

laurie love

I highly recommend trying it. Do it. I am staring at myself in the mirror right now, actually, and I have a huge smile on my face and my heart feels full. I feel this tingling sensation down my throat in my neck, and it's just kind of spreading through my heart and spreading through my chest. And I can feel my cheeks lifting. I can feel all the skin in my face like a natural facelift.

what role does sex, sensuality and pleasure have on other areas of your life like financial power and career success? 

laurie love

It's all connected. Pleasure really fuels a lot of confidence and magnetism. And so when you feel really connected to your sensuality and you're experiencing pleasure, regular pleasure, sexual or otherwise, it doesn't necessarily have to do with sex, you naturally feel more radiant and more present and more confident, and there's this charisma that's about you. When we think about financial power and career success, that's very masculine, there's a destination in mind, and there's this power dynamic. And it can be so serious and feel so tense. Stepping out of that, when you really are in your sensuality and you're in pleasure and you're sexually satisfied, whether that's through yourself or with a partner, it just permeates everything. The energy just grows and it's really creative. Sexual energy and sensual energy is really, really creative. It's the life force. It's the energy that makes us and fuels us. And so going from super serious to, "Hey, what can I possibly create today? And how can this be really fun?" It's all connected.

so the more you're flowing in one area, you're flowing in another...

laurie love

Yes. And I find that when you pay more attention to your sex life and your sensuality and to pleasure, it helps you regulate your nervous system. And nervous system regulation is something that is talked about a little bit more these days, but I never knew about it when I was growing up or when I was in the corporate world. And being able to regulate your nervous system is hugely important because being in a high-pressure situation at work and not feeling overwhelmed, not feeling anxiety, not worrying, staying up all night, stressing and thinking about things is very taxing to our body, mind and spirit. There are so many benefits to pleasure that can help regulate your nervous system so that you can more easily deal with all the stressors in your life so you can feel safer in your body and have more fun.

we forget about the fun a lot, don't we?

laurie love

Oh, yes. Oh, we most definitely do. I was just reminded about it this morning. This is all fun. This is all an adventure, it's meant to be fun and playful.

we talked a little bit about erotic blueprints in our last interview, and I’m wondering how does knowing your erotic blueprints set you up for confidence and strength in other areas of your life?

laurie love

Erotic blueprints set you up for confidence and strength by letting you know yourself. Knowledge is power. And the knowledge of self helps lead you to self-mastery. So knowing for instance, if you're Energetic blueprint is strongest one day, knowing what you need to feed that part of you and then filling yourself up with that so that you feel safe, satiated, protected, cared for by YOU. That self-care and that self-knowledge makes you a better person for yourself and others. You're able to set boundaries, you can advocate for yourself. Just knowing everything so that you are more conscious and aware, knowing how you're erotically wired and how you're wired for pleasure, instead of just letting things happen to you, you can consciously have more choice.

And I'm a huge advocate for advocating for yourself, because too many of us fall silent and we just take what's given to us, or we silently wish for something or we long for something, or we hope that somebody will just read our mind and know what it is that we want. But when we know ourselves, we can say, "Hey, the sensual part of me right now really needs to feel warm and cozy. The sensual part of me would really love to have a candle burning right now. The sensual part of me reaches for those flowers at the supermarket and buys them for myself." So it's like all of this information is hugely important in just knowing who you are, what you need and how to best care for yourself.

And when it comes to the kinky side of things too, I have found that self-knowledge in the kinky blueprint is huge when it comes to boundaries. Knowing where you want to play and where you don't want to play. This is where that strength and that confidence is strengthened even more. Because when you say yes to things that really are a yes, and you say no to things that really are a no, you begin to trust yourself more. And in trusting yourself more, you are less likely to override your boundaries. You're less likely to overwhelm yourself and more likely set yourself up for success having the kinds of interactions you most want.

and I suppose that makes you more confident to take chances in other areas because you trust that you could pull back or pivot or, as you said, use it as information.

laurie love

Yes, and you can find when you are playing with others, you can trust yourself to take it in a pleasurable direction. When you say, "I really want this." And that person really wants to do that for you, it's really nice to be heard and to be seen. That builds a lot of confidence. And I find that when you say no to something, then people can trust your yeses more. Because if we just continue to say yes to everything, and if it's truly not a yes, then people will be like, "Are you just saying yes because you want to please me?" They don't know if they can really trust you. Does that make sense?

yes, and they might be getting what they want, but only on a surface level.

laurie love

Exactly. And that partner might be like, "Oh, well, you really liked this last time and you've never said that you didn't like it before." "Oh, well, I was just doing that to please you." That's the people-pleaser in us. And I've had partners where they're like, "Well, that sucks because that doesn't feed me. I can feel that energy. I can feel that you don't really like it or really want it. Why aren't you speaking up for yourself? Can I really trust you?" Speaking up for ourselves, we trust ourselves more, and other people can trust us as well.

how does unlocking sexual freedom unlock other areas of freedom in your life? 

laurie love

It unlocks freedom in all areas of your life. The freedom to just become more fully yourself. We have a tendency to be programmed from a very young age on who we should be and what the expectations are. And then when we're not that way, there's a lot of shame that can happen, a lot of people-pleasing, and a lot of, "Oh, I should be this way and I should do this." All the shoulds. And as we reclaim ourselves and the truth of who we really are and what we really want, we just get to be more authentically ourselves.

And so I think that all we really want in this lifetime, I know, for me, I just want to be free. I want to feel free. I want to be able to express myself and to be authentic, to speak my truth, to be free from societal conditioning, to be free from other people's expectations of me, my expectations of me, or my ego's expectations of me. And this freedom can open up in lots of different ways. The freedom to feel and trust your body. I mean, how many of us don't really trust our bodies or feel free in our bodies? How many of us are dealing with injuries and illnesses and cancer, all kinds of things, problems in our bodies. And sexual freedom really reconnects you to your body as a source of wisdom and of pleasure. It's not just here for us to direct, to get through the day. It's here to feel pleasure, be in pleasure, have more fun and enjoyment.

you mention feeling stuck in a sexual rut that impacted many areas of your life — what are some tools you use now to shift out of feeling stuck or powerless?

laurie love

Yeah, there are a lot. Something that has come to me recently that I just used yesterday is to be in the present moment. And you might have heard this before, but sitting and being like, "You know what? There is no past and there is no future." Literally forgetting the past and forgetting the future and being in the present moment is one way that my world shifts very quickly because it's like, "Okay, what can I take care of right now? And what do I need right now?" And the only moment that we really have is right now.

The past is over. The future isn't here yet. And so that helps me be able to move forward is to ask myself, "Okay, in this present moment, what would make this moment even more pleasurable?" For example, I'm sitting here and my knee hurts, so giving my knee a little massage feels really pleasurable. Doing really simple, quick and easy things by just tuning into the moment and seeing what it is that you need. I'm a big advocate for self-touch, sensual massage, energetic energy showers, just doing anything that you can to kind of clear and release any energy that might be stuck to you.

what is an energy shower? 

laurie love

An energy shower is something that you can do anywhere. You can start with your hands on your chest, or you can start with your hands hovering around your head and just feel your energy. Feel energy in your hands, feel energy in your body. We are made up of energy, right? Yes, we have this physical form, but we also have this energy that is our life force.

And so just sit and feel your own energy and then bring your hands over your head and just start sweeping down your body, sweeping down your face, sweep down the back of your head, sweep down your shoulders without even touching your body. And clear your energy field with this sweeping motion. And if you want to take it another step further, just imagine golden light or bright white light just showering over you. And it's just washing anything away that you don’t need anymore. It's as if you're literally standing in a shower. But instead of it being water, it's energy. It's pure energy, like the highest form of energy. It's clean, it's clear, and it can be whatever color you want. And just allowing that to wash over your body, through your body, and then into the earth, releasing any unwanted or stuck energy into the earth. That's an energy shower. So it's a quick way, and you can do it in just a couple of strokes. Or you can sit and bathe in it for minutes.

A couple of other things, because I love tools… Journaling is really a huge practice that I have. If I'm feeling upset about something in my relationship. I'm feeling upset about something in my life. I write it out and I just vent, and I don't pay attention to how I spell things. I scribble, I can write whatever I want. It's completely unfiltered and uncensored. It's just my way of venting.

Venting is really important. And I want to kind of caution you... There are people who vent, who are really good at venting, and need to vent, but they don't vent consensually. I have certain family members who are really good at venting, and every time they see me, they just emotionally vomit on me because they think it’s ok.

So being conscious and aware when you need to vent to a friend or a family member… and saying something like, "Hey, I really need to vent. Can you hold space for me right now?" And get their consent. Ask them, "Are you in a space where you can do that right now? Yes or no? And don't be giving me a people-pleasing yes. I need an honest answer."

When I desire to vent with my partner what I do is say, "Hey, I need to vent. Can you hold the bucket for me?" That's our key phrase. “Can you hold the bucket for me?” And he'll be like, "Yes, all right. I'm holding the bucket for you." And then I can emotionally vomit into it. And he doesn’t have to fix, change or do anything for me, I just need to release.

what are some other yummy ways to fall in love with your life and how can you use that to help you shift back into power?

laurie love

So savoring the sensual is super important. So what that can look like is when you make your morning cup of coffee or tea or smoothie or beverage, whatever it is, instead of being on the computer and being on your phone and being on the internet and doing all these things multitasking, sit down with your beverage of choice. Sit down with that cup of tea, that cup of coffee, that glass of water, and look at it, take it all in. The beauty, "Oh my gosh, I have this delicious glass of water in front of me. It's pure, it's clean. It's my favorite beverage." Taking the moment to slow down and really give attention to our food, super important. Freeing ourselves of distractions while drinking and eating, that's a really yummy way.

Also, curating beauty around you. Buying yourself flowers, decorating in a way that makes you feel really delighted, supported and cared for. I have one room in my house that is mine, it's all mine. Nobody can complain about the stuff I have in it. I'm surrounded by all of my books and my knickknacks and my notes and candles… crystals, calendars, jewelry. Giving yourself some kind of space that is really reverent, that really reflects you and that you can visit and come back to. If you live in a really small place, have an altar somewhere — that altar can look like whatever you want it to look like, and it doesn't have to be some weird cultish religious thing, unless you want it to. But just having a little sacred space where you put some of your favorite items and you maybe have a candle that you light during the day or at night, just having a little space that feels really good to you.

And really letting desire lead you. I keep saying over and over, "What would make this moment even more pleasurable? What do I desire right now? What do I need right now?" Allowing that desire to really move you and guide you. Not, "What do I need to do right now? What do I need to accomplish? How can I be more productive? What's being expected of me?" But “What's lighting my fire? What do I feel really called to do right now? What do I feel really motivated to do right now?” Those things that we're called to and that we're motivated to do are the things that really are our guiding lights.

it seems like there's power in that too, because even if you don't know exactly what you want, you might just say, "Maybe I need some fresh air." Or to take a walk and move to get your kinetic energy going. You're just kind of waking yourself up to the idea that this moment isn't doing it for you, can I shift?

laurie love

Most definitely. I love that you bring movement into it because dance and play and music are a really, really good way to change your energy, shift your energy, release stress, be in pleasure, and to fall in love. I mean, how many times have you heard a song where you're just like, "I love this song"? That's falling in love. And that sense of being in love and cultivating love, it just ripples into everything.

what happens in your outside world when you start to learn to communicate your desires? What are some easy ways to start doing this?

laurie love

When you start learning to communicate your desires clearly and unapologetically and from a place of self-worth, your outside world shifts in powerful ways. And what happens in your outside world is that relationships deepen or they get really clear. Friendships, romantic, family, when people really start responding to the real you and not the version that other people shaped, or your silence, relationships can grow more intimate and more authentic. And you'll begin to receive more of what you actually want.

And how I was talking about wishing and hoping and praying and people reading minds, instead of all that hoping or settling, you begin to ask. And often you receive the things that you need. If somebody doesn't know that you need something or you didn't know that you need something, sitting and wishing and hoping isn't going to get you anywhere. But being able to express more of what you desire is going to just open the door to more fulfillment. And your boundaries are going to become a lot clearer. When you know what you want, it becomes really a lot easier to know what is a no. And then those desires become your compass that help you protect your time and your energy and your body, which then helps your confidence grow.

Then you go, "Okay, I can trust myself because I can speak up for myself, because I know what my desires are." It really affirms your worth. And I don't know about you or anybody reading this, but feeling worthy is something that I feel like a lot of us struggle with. Feeling good enough. And so we need to cultivate this inner power of ours that yes, we are worthy. Yes, we belong here. Yes, we are a miracle. Yes, we deserve everything that we desire and not from an egoic perspective, but from a, we're here and we're human, and we're here to experience. So why not experience the things that we really want to experience? We have Choice. We are conscious beings with choice.

So choosing things that are more in alignment with you, you start living less by default, and you start living by your design. And so some easy ways to communicate your desires are to start with really small and safe things. To your point, "Oh, I need some fresh air right now." Start with that. Check in with your body. How often do we just rush through the day and, okay, got to eat, got to sleep, got to do this, got to do that, go here, go there. And it's like, how often do we stop, sit down, be in the present moment and check in with our body and go, "Hey, body, what do you need right now? How are you feeling?"

Another thing that I really love is the, “I would love…” statements. “I would love to receive a foot massage. I would love to receive a smile. I would love to receive a hug”. When we phrase things in a way that... “I would love”, it’s a lot softer and a lot clearer than “I want this. I want that”. It has a different resonance, it has a different energy. It invites rather than demands. Whenever I do trainings, I never say, "Okay, now I want you to..." I say, "I invite you to..." This is all an invitation. It's always an invitation. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I invite you to do this.

what are some uniquely feminine traits that we can leverage to amp up our personal power?

laurie love

I would say the number one thing is Intuition. We all have it, no matter what gender we are. Really tuning in to what our gut says, what our heart feels, instead of coming from the mind. And being really open and receptive to any messages that want to come through. And I'll be kind of woo-woo for a minute here if that's okay. There are all different kinds of intuition, clairvoyance, clairaudience... There are tons of them. And one of the ways that I receive messages is as a thought. And it'll be like, "Hey, Laurie, I think you should do this right now." And how often have we received that message? And then be like, "Oh, no, I'll do it later." Or, "Oh, no, what are you talking about?" or asking “Why?” And it's like, our intuition is this inner-knowing of what is best for us. And so paying more attention to when we receive those messages.

And then if we start following those little nudges and like, okay, I'll put on that piece of clothing. Oh my gosh, I feel so much warmer or softer or it changed my energy or it changed my mood. Or if I wear it out into the world, somebody compliments it, it catches somebody's attention, and then maybe I strike a conversation with somebody I wouldn't have otherwise talked to. So really following these little nudges... Being more in tune with and being more open and willing to follow these things, even if they don't make sense.

Another trait is receptivity. How often can we not receive a compliment? Somebody tells us that we look beautiful, or somebody tells us that they really like something about us, and we explain it away. Or we tell them where we bought it or how much we paid for it. I used to do that all the time. "Oh, you like the shirt. I got it at T.J. Maxx and I only paid $20 for it." Say, "Thank you. Thank you. Yes, when I was at the shop and I saw this top, it totally spoke to me and I had to have it." Being more open and receptive to, "Thank you. Yes, it does make me look beautiful." It's magnetic. Receptivity is not passive, it's powerfully magnetic. And it also opens up the ability to receive more of everything; receive more love, receive more pleasure, receive more money instead of chasing after it, grasping for it, making it work. It allows us to receive more.

And then going back to the sensual blueprint, like sensual presence. We are all sensual beings, no matter what our primary erotic blueprints types are. I find that most men get stuck in the bucket of sexual blueprint, but we're all sensual. We're human, and so we respond really well to taste, touch, sight, sound, smell. So really using our senses to enjoy the beauty of life because this is where we can get really adventurous. The sensual presence really captivates you and it grounds you at the same time, and it also awakens everything without even needing to say a word. So it's pretty magical and powerful.

I also think that creativity is highly underrated. Just being creative for the sense of creating. Art for the sake of art. And we all have the ability, whether we're artistic or not. I never thought of myself as an artistic person because I would look at other people and be like, "Oh, well, they draw better, or they paint, or they can do pottery." Whatever it is. "They're really great at graphic design." And it's like, in tuning into my creative energy through ideas and where my energy wants to flow, I realized that I am a very creative person. There are ways that I can be artistic in my own way, not in a way that anybody else is. So that could look like when we're creating a vision board, that is our art. We are artists when we're doing that because we're creating the images and the world that we want to be in. So just create things; fun things, silly things, useful things, or unuseful things. Spending a little bit more time in those artistic juices can be really yummy.

And I just want to say that pleasure is super creative. You can get very creative when it comes to pleasure, and you do not need a partner in order to feel pleasure. There are so many different ways to self-pleasure that are both sexual and non-sexual. So feeding ourselves through pleasure has so many positive benefits for us as human beings, one being that it is a huge stress-reducer. It boosts oxytocin. It boosts all the happy hormones in our body.

And going back to how it is that we want to feel. We want to feel free, we want to feel happy, we want to feel ecstatic or enlightened, or you name it, erotic, excited, turned on, pleasure, self-pleasure is a way that you can cultivate and expand all of that, all of the ways that you want to feel.

what happens in your outside world when you start to learn to communicate your desires? What are some easy ways to start doing this?

laurie love

When you start learning to communicate your desires clearly and unapologetically and from a place of self-worth, your outside world shifts in powerful ways. And what happens in your outside world is that relationships deepen or they get really clear. Friendships, romantic, family, when people really start responding to the real you and not the version that other people shaped, or your silence, relationships can grow more intimate and more authentic. And you'll begin to receive more of what you actually want.

And how I was talking about wishing and hoping and praying and people reading minds, instead of all that hoping or settling, you begin to ask. And often you receive the things that you need. If somebody doesn't know that you need something or you didn't know that you need something, sitting and wishing and hoping isn't going to get you anywhere. But being able to express more of what you desire is going to just open the door to more fulfillment. And your boundaries are going to become a lot clearer. When you know what you want, it becomes really a lot easier to know what is a no. And then those desires become your compass that help you protect your time and your energy and your body, which then helps your confidence grow.

Then you go, "Okay, I can trust myself because I can speak up for myself, because I know what my desires are." It really affirms your worth. And I don't know about you or anybody reading this, but feeling worthy is something that I feel like a lot of us struggle with. Feeling good enough. And so we need to cultivate this inner power of ours that yes, we are worthy. Yes, we belong here. Yes, we are a miracle. Yes, we deserve everything that we desire and not from an egoic perspective, but from a, we're here and we're human, and we're here to experience. So why not experience the things that we really want to experience? We have Choice. We are conscious beings with choice.

So choosing things that are more in alignment with you, you start living less by default, and you start living by your design. And so some easy ways to communicate your desires are to start with really small and safe things. To your point, "Oh, I need some fresh air right now." Start with that. Check in with your body. How often do we just rush through the day and, okay, got to eat, got to sleep, got to do this, got to do that, go here, go there. And it's like, how often do we stop, sit down, be in the present moment and check in with our body and go, "Hey, body, what do you need right now? How are you feeling?"

Another thing that I really love is the, “I would love…” statements. “I would love to receive a foot massage. I would love to receive a smile. I would love to receive a hug”. When we phrase things in a way that... “I would love”, it’s a lot softer and a lot clearer than “I want this. I want that”. It has a different resonance, it has a different energy. It invites rather than demands. Whenever I do trainings, I never say, "Okay, now I want you to..." I say, "I invite you to..." This is all an invitation. It's always an invitation. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I invite you to do this.

what's a good place to start?

laurie love

I would start with taking a sip of water. Literally just take a sip of water. Go and fill up a glass and sit and admire it, and then feel it in your mouth. Let it sit in your mouth without swallowing, and just feel the texture, feel the temperature. You can swish it around, play with it, and then swallow when you're ready to. How often do we just guzzle water down? "Oh, I'm so dehydrated." It's like, by the time we realize that we're thirsty, we're pounding 12 ounces of water. So let's take a sip of water. Most of us are dehydrated, so that's a very simple way to start.

Another simple way to start, too, is just rest your hands on your heart. Bring your hands to your chest and close your eyes and bring your awareness and your focus into your heart. And then see what happens from there.

Another really simple one, too, happens when I slow down and ask, "Okay, what do I desire right now?" I actually want lip balm in this moment. My lips feel chapped. And so my sensual will always say, "Burt's Bees, coconut and pear." And that's a really easy way to feed myself. I put it on, and I'm moving my lips together, I'm moving my mouth. I feel my lips. It's a pleasurable sensation. It gives me something yummy to feel and smell. I feel nourished and cared for. If I run around with dry lips, it affects my whole body. My whole body will tighten up or stiffen or not feel relaxed, will feel dehydrated and kind of closed off, not taken care of, not paid attention to. But doing these really, really simple things helps us relax into a state, and a deep breath.

Breathing is another really good one. What do I need right now? Take a deep breath. We often breathe very shallow throughout our day, and we don't get enough oxygen in our bodies. So five deep breaths… it can be as simple as that. Inhaling a little bit longer than you usually do. Exhaling a little bit longer than you usually do.

How do you turn sexual empowerment into personal power?